If there’s one universally accepted truth about all men everywhere, it’s that they love craft beer. Whether they’re brewing it, drinking it, or talking about how much they love to brew and drink it, dudes just can’t get enough of the stuff! In fact, the only thing men love more than a crisp cold crafty is when a woman confidently orders one for herself. If you’re ready to be that undeniably chill woman, then here is how you can order a craft beer so cool his rock-hard dick breaks the bar.
Use the term “microbreweries.”
Do you hear that loud breaking sound? It’s the sound of your date’s giant rock-hard dick smashing through the bar when he hears you use the term “microbrewery.” A microbrewery is where they brew craft beer and you know your man has toured several. He loves to talk about the various brewing processes almost as much as he likes telling you that, “craft beer is no different than fine wine.” When he hears you casually drop the term, his dick will seize up so suddenly with a massive erection that it’ll do physical damage to its surroundings. Talk about “raising the bar!” So fun!
Ask for the darkest hoppiest beer they have.
To really get in with the craft crowd, you need to prove that you can drink a beer so dark and bitter that it tastes like old carbonated coffee. Because remember, the worse alcohol tastes, the cooler it is to drink it. So order the darkest beer at the brew pub and watch as your partner’s dick gets rock hard under the bar. Add in the word “hoppy” and you’ll sound so cool the reclaimed wood bar will be absolutely ruined by his throbbing rock hard dick.
Drink 10 beers without getting sick or drunk.
Prove that you can kick it with the guys by drinking 10 full pints without getting drunk. Then challenge the biggest, fattest man at the bar to a drinking contest to fulfill a sexy and dangerous Hollywood trope. Once the fat man slouches comically, face down, onto the table, you’ll order a round of craft beers for everyone – on your tab! That’s when his dick will get so big and so rock hard, that it’ll break the bar and shatter everything on it. Aw! He likes you!
Say, “this brew is so complex, like Batman in my favorite film The Dark Knight Rises.”
Uh oh! You’ll barely get through saying “Dark Knight Rises,” before his rock-hard dick rockets itself past the bar and up through the ceiling into space! Whoa!
That’s it! Ordering a craft beer doesn’t have to feel intimidating, but you will seem intimidatingly cool when you do it. Once your dude’s big fat dick breaks the bar, you’ll probably be asked to leave. This is the perfect time to go home alone and drink your preferred beverage – boxed rosé.