How To Tell If He’s The One, Or Just A DJ With A Big Dick And A Printer

There’s nothing more romantic than finding the man you’re going to spend the rest of your life with, but knowing if he’s truly the one can be hard, especially if you’re actually just into the whole package, and not really the man inside. Here are some signs he’s not the one, but is actually just an okay DJ with a big dick and a decent printer.


You’ve said out loud that being a DJ is a real job.

Sure, DeadMau5 is a DJ and that’s his job. And…Moby…is a DJ? But for most people being a DJ is not a real job and if you have convinced yourself otherwise for the sake of his big dick and his pretty sweet laser printer, you might be in it for the wrong reasons. Consider finding yourself a man who is anything but a DJ. So what if he has a big dick and a printer? You deserve better than that!



He’s never met your parents, but you have taken them to meet his printer.

Every time he brings up meeting your parents, you deflect. It’s just not the right time. You did, however, insist that your parents fly in from Maine so they could be formally introduced to his printer, which has become a pretty big part of your life these days. It might be hard to admit, but this is a sign that you’re maybe just in it for that sweet free printing and toner. Also, that big dick. But you wouldn’t introduce your parents to a dick. I mean, that would be weird, right?


You describe him to your friends as “a DJ with a big dick and a printer.”

Since they’ve never met him, your friends are constantly asking you what he’s like. And even though you’ve racked your brain for ways to describe him, the best you can come up with is: “a DJ with a big dick and a printer.” Surely there’s something else you love about him. Or know about him. But that’s really all you can think of. Perhaps you’re in this relationship solely because of the dick and the printer? Think about it for awhile just to make sure.


You can only have sex with him if you’re looking at the printer.

There’s just something about his face and personality and just general vibe that makes it hard to “make love” with him. But nothing gets your hornier than having him seven inches deep while you make bedroom eyes at his HP Laser Jet Pro. It this is the case, you need to take a look inside yourself and admit that you’ve got yourself a DJ with a big dick and a printer, and that’s simply not going to work out in the long term. Is a printer going to raise your kids? Is a big dick going to buy you a house? Is a DJ going to plan for your retirement? Most likely, no.


It can be hard to tell if you’ve found the one. But when you do, you’ll know. Until then, don’t get wrapped up in the material perks of dating a DJ with a gigantic dick and a wireless laser printer. If he has a washer/dryer, however, then you gotta put a ring on it!