3 Things Your Nutritionist Knows, But Won’t Tell You Because He’s an Asshole

Sex - Reductress

You’re trying to get healthy, and your nutritionist, Brian, seems like he knows how to do it! But did you know there are things he’s not telling you? He’s keeping the secrets to being healthy all to himself because behind his charm and confidence, he’s a backstabbing, lying, asshole. Here are the things your stupid nutritionist isn’t saying.


Not All Salads Are Healthy

Brian told you to avoid carbs, so salads are one of your go to meals now. But did you know not all salads are healthy? Some chain restaurants serve salads with over 1,000 calories, but Brian didn’t tell you that cause he’s just another lying asshole trying to make you fat. How much do you trust him now?


You Don’t Have to Count Calories

After visiting a nutritionist, you’ve found yourself paying attention to the number of calories you’re consuming. But you don’t have to—and apparently shouldn’t—focus on just calories, which is something Brian is keeping from you, like some kind of evil snake! Turns out it’s more important to focus on eating food with important nutrients than it is to focus on the number of calories in them. Brian hasn’t told you because he’s a shit nutritionist, and you’re going to have serious trust issues because of him.



Even Nutritionists Cheat Sometimes

Brian has managed to paint himself as the god of nutrition by framing his degree on the wall. He eats tons of kale and protein, and always brags about his healthy lifestyle. But did you know that even nutritionists eat ice cream every now and then? Brian sure as hell didn’t tell you that. He’s keeping secrets from you, and now you’ve realized he’s just like all the other guys. Why can’t you be honest, Brian? You’re being such a dick!!


All this time you thought you could trust your nutritionist, but it turns out he’s been masking dishonesty with a passion for green smoothies. Be careful, and proceed going to your appointments with caution!