How to Exercise at Home But You Definitely Don’t Have to But You Can if You Want, Please Don’t be Mad at Us

If you’re locked down in quarantine, there’s never been a better time to develop a daily exercise regimen! But on the other hand, there’s actually never been a worse time because so many terrible things are happening in the world and you’re probably really stressed and that’s so valid. So here are some tips (that you absolutely don’t have to use, it’s 100% up to you) to kick your butt into high gear and hit the ground running on home exercise! Or NOT! Please don’t be mad at us, we’re trying so hard.


Use household items as weights, if you have the emotional bandwidth.

No dumbbells? No problem! A weighty skillet or bag of rice can be used in a pinch, but to be clear, we are not suggesting that you need to do this or even should do it at all. If the concept of exercising resonates with you, this is simply one approach, and if it doesn’t resonate with you, then you totally should not do it. But we’re not telling you not to do it, we would never tell you what to do please don’t be angry wait wait wait never mind, never mind to the whole thing.



Set aside time, but you don’t have to.

Waking up each morning to a sprawling and unstructured day can feel even more overwhelming than a busy schedule (but maybe you are busy! What, do you have kids? That’s awful. Or it’s really rewarding and amazing, but also the fucking worst. Just don’t comment saying we’re acting like no one has anything better to do than workout because we’re NOT; we made sure that we’re not. Your kids are geniuses but it’s good if you hate them. You’re busy. Sorry.) So set aside as little as 20 minutes each day where you do an activity that makes you feel present in your body unless you don’t want to feel that way. Our bad. Don’t share this in an angry way, please.


This whole thing was so tone-deaf of us.

For the final section of our article, we would like to focus on apologizing for our article. We are in the midst of a global pandemic and the idea that extra time should be dedicated to working out is misguided and harmful. But technically speaking, if you absolutely insist on exercising, we will never try to stop you. We’re saying what you’re saying. Are we allowed to tell people to drink water? Never mind, you already know.