How to Enjoy Your Brief, Grand Existence on This Earth Even Though It Is 3:30 p.m.

Life is a gift. It’s easy to get emotional when you think about the unique improbabilities that had to occur for us to be on this planet, at this moment, with these beautiful friends, in this magical existence. Then again, there occurs a time – every day from 3 to 5 p.m. – where everything feels actually kind of bad. Inexplicably bad. And there’s no way to fix it. Here’s how you can enjoy your brief, grand existence on this earth even though it is 3:30pm right now, aka the dark times. 


Focus on the things that bring you joy.

When the clock strikes 3:30 pm, it can be easy to lose sight of everything you’ve ever loved. Resist this temptation. Instead, focus on the things that make your brief, grand existence so magical, like Lucky Charms marshmallows and the sunlight hitting the trees on a 75-degree day as a baseball flies past your face. Don’t think about how you’re kind of tired, but it’s way too early to be tired, considering there are still at least 6.5 hours until it’s reasonable to go to bed. Don’t think about that. 


Take deep breaths.

It’s quite natural to dissociate at this time of day, for obvious reasons. If you find yourself leaving your corporeal form and ascending to a plane unknown, where everything is numb, return to your body with a quick guided breathing exercise. Deep breaths, girl! It’ll be over before you know it. Which brings us to our next step:


Remind yourself: 3:30 p.m. will end. 

When you’re experiencing 3:30 p.m. full on, it can be tough to imagine a time when it won’t be 3:30 p.m. This is a trick of the mind. Remember: this, too, shall pass, even though it literally sucks so bad. 


Think of how much fun you’ll have at 7, and even 9 p.m.

While it is tough to appreciate your brief, grand existence at 3:30 p.m., think ahead to how much joy lies in the evening. Once you finish this two-hour period of everything being bad, things could get good again! Maybe you’ll have dinner with a friend, maybe see a movie – hell, you’ll do things your 3:30 p.m. self couldn’t even dream of, like smile and laugh. Won’t that be swell! Right, kiddo? Kiddo?



Alright, enough. Jump ship for the next two hours and just go the fuck to bed. You’re not going to get anything done when you feel this weird, and you might as well be unconscious for it all. Don’t worry: when you awaken, 3:30 p.m. will be a thing of the past! 


Follow these simple tips and this awful two to three hour period will be over before you know it. Just don’t get too comfortable, as you’ll have to deal with it again sooner than you’d think – in 24 hours to be exact. Oh, the pain of this drab, hollow existence on our decimated planet Earth!