Some men are good and some men aren’t as good, but it can be hard to live with either when all they’ve only got one thing on their mind: looking for a mermaid to cum on. While women are busy fighting for equality and a better world, most dudes are spending their day looking around for that special mermaid that will let him cum directly on her face. Here’s how to coexist with men even though that’s pretty much their number-one goal.
Remember Mermaid’s Aren’t Real
How could we forget this even for a second? Mermaids aren’t real! No matter how much energy men spend thinking about coming so hard on a mermaid’s face, it doesn’t matter because they’ll never get to do it. Some men spend their whole lives looking under park benches and running through train stations looking for mermaid’s to cum on, but they’ll never find one (Especially there, ya dummies – mermaids live in the ocean!).
A Mermaid Would Never Fuck That Rando Dude
Even if he did find a mermaid, she would literally never go for the kind of dude who wants to cum on her pretty mermaid face. Let’s say a man does find a mermaid at a lake. She would see his dumb face and laugh at him before diving her sparkly body back into the water. After that, he would never be able to get hard again. He would try, ohhh, he would try, but that curse is pretty much permanent. Anyway, this is one way to remind yourself of how to live with these goons!
She Probably Only Fucks Hot Mermen
Of COURSE a mermaid only wants to get with the hottest mermen. We don’t know what life looks like for mermaids, but we can probably assume that everyone is way hotter than the men on dry earth. If she did let someone cum on her face, it would be a ripped merman who loves to cook for her, and not some dumb finance bro from Hoboken.
She’s Busy Fighting For Reproductive Rights, Too
If mermaids did exist, they’re definitely too busy to spend energy on hot mermen, because they’re probably busy fighting for economic justice and reproductive rights under the sea. After a long day at the office where she earns 80% of what the mermen make, she probably just wants a glass of red wine and a nice sit, and not for a land guy to shoot a load on her face.
If you do happen to meet a mermaid, give her a knowing look because she’s going through it too. And to the men: Quit it with this nonsense!!
