Hero? Villain? This Woman Ordered Take-Out  

Pittsburgh school teacher Josie Cornfield recently made the brave and/or dangerous decision to order take-out this past Friday night.


What a small business hero! Either that or she knowingly put low-wage workers at risk of contracting Covid-19 in her stead. Definitely one of the two!


The choice to order a pizza from a local Italian restaurant came after approximately four days of internal debate and vigorous research. During this period, the 35-year-old read multiple articles about the pros and cons of various delivery services found studies about how long the virus can last on surfaces, and donated to 16 different Kickstarters as a kind of preemptive atonement.


“I want to support local businesses, but I don’t want to put members of my community in danger,” explains Cornfield. “At the same time, I want pizza.”



Ultimately, Cornfield decided to order a large cheese pizza for pick up. She wore gloves and a mask while entering the restaurant, and she did her best to thank the shop’s employees profusely without spitting too much. That’s what we call a local economy queen and/or disease perpetuator!!


“Pittsburg needs more people like Ms. Cornfield to keep our city afloat,” said a city official. “Unless it turns out that people like her are personally responsible for the continued spread of Covid-19.”


The decision to order pizza is one of many moral quandaries Cornfield has faced while under stay-at-home orders. She initially debated whether to buy masks, having read conflicting reports that buying a mask made you a monster and that they would soon be mandatory. She wasn’t sure whether to support her sister’s friend’s struggling bookshop in its time of need or if ordering frivolous items meant that she was Part of The Problem. She also experienced her own personal trolley problem: was it ethically better to go on a long solo walk and risk spreading the virus to many, or stay perpetually inside and murder her boyfriend? With all this economic stimulation, she’s basically Southwestern Pennsylvania’s FDR. That is, unless she’s Southwestern Pennsylvania’s Typhoid Mary.


While Cornfield is currently enjoying her pizza, she’s looking forward to the time when such small choices aren’t quite so fraught. “I can’t wait until everything gets back to normal,” she says, cheerfully. “I miss the old days, back when every consumer decision wasn’t in some way evil.”