Here’s Why You Need to Edge Before Your Next Big Job Interview

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In a recent Forbes Magazine poll, employers stated that their number one interview turn-off is when a potential candidate shows up unprepared. And what better way to prepare than by doing what the very same issue of Forbes Magazine calls “the next best thing to auto-erotic asphyxiation”?


Edging, also known as “orgasm control” is when you bring yourself to the brink of orgasm, stop, start again, and repeat that cycle until you’re ready to crush it when you go in to interview for that promising project manager position. When you finally do let yourself go, you’ll experience a massive, extended orgasm that will feel almost as good as landing your dream job! Here’s why you should try edging before your next big interview:


It helps build confidence.

Experts agree: Your body language says a lot about you, even without you realizing it. Non-verbally communicate to your potential employer that you’re willing to attack or fuck any problem you might encounter on the job by stimulating but never relieving yourself just before you head in for your interview. The intense eye contact you make with the HR representative will say it all, without you having to utter a word (which is good, because you’ll be so aroused you can barely speak).



It will calm you down and amp you up.

Job interviews can be stressful, which is where edging comes in. The masturbatory aspects of edging will make you feel sleepy, but the effects don’t stop there. See, unlike straight-up orgasming, edging will calm you down, then make you agitated and frustrated, AKA you’ll appear to be exactly the aggressive go-getter your future boss is looking for. We can practically guarantee that he or she will reach the point of no return (PONR) of giving you the job. Your biggest weakness is perfectionism!



It gives you a secret.

Knowing something your interviewer doesn’t know will give you that coveted “competitive edge”. Your interviewer will note your firm (if slightly twitching) handshake, but you’ll know where that hand has been and exactly what it’s done. When you squirm slightly in your chair, he or she will observe that you have a lot of energy, when really you’re on the brink of an earth-shattering orgasm. You’ll be able to tackle those tough questions with ease because you won’t be able to overthink them—you’ll be too busy thinking about how badly you want to stick your hand down the front of your control-top tights. But you’ll never tell!


After you’re hired, remember to edge regularly to stay fresh at your new job! Congrats!