In a humiliating act of blatant consumerism and suggestibility, Denver resident Alyssa Meyers purchased a product after seeing an advertisement for it.
We sent out field reporters to speak with Alyssa and see if this was just a case of unfortunate timing – and perhaps begin damage repair on her tarnished reputation.
Sadly, this was not the case.
“Yeah, I saw an advertisement for these new sheets and they looked amazing,” Alyssa said, doubling down on her mortifying conduct. “I immediately hopped on my laptop and bought some. It was great, I had actually just been thinking about buying new sheets!”
Great? Or coldly calculated marketing manipulation?
“Alyssa had been talking about wanting new sheets for weeks now,” said roommate, David Cunningham. “But you do your own research. To simply click on an ad handfed to you by the algorithm? I never thought it would come to this.”
David revealed that not only did Alyssa make a beeline straight to the product website after seeing the advertisement, she also clicked the product bundle that was advertised at the top of the website.
“I should’ve seen it coming,” David said. “One time, when we were on the subway, I saw her looking way too long at an infographic for DeVry University about getting your Masters online.”
But is this regrettable B2C relationship a product of nature or nurture?
“It’s tough to admit that you don’t really know a person as well as you thought you did,” said Alyssa’s mother Deirdre in a statement released yesterday. “She was always a good student, smart, funny; it’s a hard pill to swallow, her being a willing and eager participant of the consumer market.”
Even when met with this substantial backlash from friends and family, Alyssa still seemed to see nothing wrong with her actions.
“I don’t really get what the big deal is,” she told reporters. “I needed new sheets, saw an advertisement that looked promising, and bought them. Like, what’s the issue?”
It’s demoralizing to see a bright young mind go down such a dark path.
“If her penchant for commercialism keeps up,” said David, “she could very well find herself exploring the newest Toyota trucks, cars, SUVs, hybrids and minivans at Toyotathon or – God forbid – perusing HelloFresh plans, strapped with a discount code from her favorite podcast. It’s horrifying.”
We can only hope she sees the error of her ways before she yet again becomes a victim of commercial advertising.