Hey dudes, so, you’ll never believe this, but in the latest of all the impossible questions that my girlfriend has asked with the intent to trap and ridicule me, she interrupted my Call of Duty game yesterday to ask, “Do you hate me?” First of all, pausing the game is impossible (and rude to the 13-year-old members of my team), so I literally died. Then, I answered her honestly – in the affirmative, of course – and somehow, that made me the bad guy.
What is it that women want? They are so crazy and odd to me!
No one can truly know the inner workings of the female mind. Apparently, it was “really rude” of me to say I hate my girlfriend and to add, unprompted, that most days I wish she would disappear or get replaced by another, hotter girlfriend of my choosing. I was just trying to be honest with her, which she says she so desperately wants!
Oh, so when I lie about working late so I can hang out with her best friend without her being weird about it, that’s bad, but when I tell the truth here, that’s also bad? Sounds like a guy simply cannot win.
Now, my girlfriend is giving me the silent treatment, which is one of the worst things that can happen to a person and should be punishable by death. She’s so mad that she won’t even make dinner for us, either, which sucks because I’m getting really hungry.
Since when did candor and straight-shooting become a crime? If she wanted me to lie, I would have lied! I also made sure to tell her this, but it did not seem to help my case.
It is almost as if my girlfriend does not actually want to know what I think, and I think that’s super fucked up. Sharing that I hate her was actually really vulnerable of me, and I don’t know why she can’t see that. I put myself out there, and she rejected me. Sounds like somebody isn’t accepting my “bid,” or whatever.
Guess that’s the last time I’ll ever tell the truth! Guess she would rather I deny my own feelings and say I don’t hate her. I suppose men aren’t allowed to be emotional after all. I guess I’m a terrible boyfriend and she wants me to kill myself. And don’t worry, fellas, I made sure to tell her all that.
