DUDE CORNER: If I’m Racist, Then How Come I Have So Many Cool Fetishes?

Dude Corner

What’s good? It’s Dude Corner, and you already know what the fuck that means: Dudes like me get to chime in on the hot topics and legally, you can’t make me stop. Ha ha! Ever since I got put on that registry, I’ve been spending a lot of time on my laptop indoors (trust me I’d ignore this quarantine hoax if I could). Anyways, here’s my axe to grind: You can’t say anything these days without the SJW Defense Forces swooping in to call you racist. Me? Racist? Nice try, but I slaughter my hog to exotic women all the time.


When it comes to doing sex on girls, I’m totally colorblind. I get off on all kinds of ethnicities— Latinas, BBWs, tanned white women who have dark hair, all of those. My search history is like a UN General Assembly roll-call if they were all hotties, and my penis is present AND voting.


Okay, so maybe I did like the tiniest bit of blackface in college. So what? It was 2011, before anybody knew that was bad! Does that really overshadow all of the microfinance support I’ve provided to hot Asian girls by subscribing to their premium Snapchats? I don’t think so.


God, you call the CDC on one Chinese restaurant and suddenly you’re Hitler or something. Listen, I’m not saying I’m perfect. Just ask any of my last four girlfriends who look exactly the same! But this is total bullshit. Would a RACIST get reported on Instagram for begging to suck on Zendaya’s toes until she and I both died? No, so maybe you’re the racist one, actually.


Now, I don’t know who the hell this Merriam Webster chick is but she has the right idea about what racism actually is: “racial prejudice or discrimination.” So, if I mutilate my weiner every night to the thought of being Priyanka Chopra’s foot slave, that’s the opposite of discrimination, and honestly kind of a form of activism, when you really think about it. Just a thought.



I know what you crazy femcels are thinking: “This guy is making a lot of great points that I should’ve considered more thoughtfully and I should probably sleep with him.” Well, thank you, but I’m already taken— in for questioning! Ha, ha. Just a fun joke before I sign off.


Anyways, just promise me you’ll always remember: fetishizing other races is an act of courage.