DUDE CORNER: I’m Standing In Solidarity With Nurses By Not Using Protection

Dude Corner

What’s up, coronadudes and coronadudettes? It’s me again, the only writer on this site with balls (metaphorical balls haha!!! I’m smart). And boy, do I have a lot to say. It’s come to my attention that our nation’s healthcare workers are being neglected. During a global pandemic, medical workers are not being provided with the PPE (which sounds like a sex thing but really just stands for personal protective equipment) they they need to stay safe and healthy. And to me, that’s pretty wack. That’s why I’ve decided to take a stand: in solidarity with our brave nurses, I will not be using protection myself, either.


I mean, let’s get real, it’s not like I’m getting laid right now. I’ve been isolating at home with my two roommates Sean and Shawn and our iguana Delilah (#quaranteam). But if I was banging on a regular basis, which is what I do when things are normal, I would absolutely be going raw dog. Why should I, a regular ol’ guy, be able to protect myself from disease when our country’s heroes aren’t being given the tools to do so? I support our troops!



I guess I should get real about something else too: I wasn’t ever really wearing protection to begin with. Wearing a condom is like staying indoors for two months with a molting iguana and two roomies with the same name, one who doesn’t really shower that much: not that fun and a kinda smelly.


Why take the risk, you ask? Well first off, I’ve never met any girl who doesn’t have and IED or whatever they’re called. I haven’t asked specifically, but I feel okay in assuming. Secondly, I’m not afraid of getting a disease. I mean, at least not a sexually transmitted one. That would make for a funny story. I am super afraid of getting corona, which is why I’m so serious about sticking up for the medical staff who are working so hard to fight it.


I heard chlamydia isn’t even that bad, though.


When it comes down to it, I’ve always been the type of guy to stand up for what is right. I found a LiveStrong bracelet at a dorm party one time and wore it for the rest of the semester. I believe in LGBTQ rights, even though I thought Brokeback Mountain was kind of gross. I even used a Black Lives Matter hashtag once to impress a girl. That’s why I absolutely refuse to compromise my morals by using any kind of protection for myself until courageous warriors at the front line of the COVID-19 epidemic are provided with some.


And probably not afterwards either, if we’re being honest.