Don’t Leave Your House for Anything Non-Essential, Unless You’re my Parents Dropping off a Care Package

In the midst of this quarantine, it’s more important than ever that we do all we can to shelter in place. But as social media has made very clear, some people are breaking the rules and risking people’s lives as a result. Hello, people! Your selfish actions have real repercussions, so please stay at home!


Unless, of course, you are one of my parents dropping off a care package, cause I can’t find any Lysol wipes and I’m running out of money. Hi, Mom!


We need to stop thinking it’s okay to go for a “social distance” walk with friends, or drive out to beach and lake homes where hospitals are unable to handle the population. But if you’re my mom, you can definitely make quick drive from New Jersey to bring me some of your cookies and my slippers from home.


After all, I need my 60-year-old mom, and my slippers, now more than ever.



And most of all, to the brazen, selfish shitheads out there who walk around without a mask on, get a grip. You are the biggest walking danger to us all, and truly have no regard for human life. Do you not have a grandparent or older parent who could be at risk? Would you be willing to put someone else’s parents at risk? Frankly, I just wouldn’t be able to live with myself knowing that other people know that I just did that when my daddy got out of breath running from his car and back, just to give me $500 (he’s asthmatic).


So for all you people out there complaining about how hard it being cooped up inside, just remember that us REAL New Yorkers are staying put and making the best of it – except me, because Dad says I’ll be safer if I stay in Connecticut so I’m hopping in a black car with my boyfriend and my BFF right now. Stay safe, everyone!