In an unabashed and disconcerting display of desperation, 37-year-old husband Francis Pannone has announced his desire to be buried next to his wife.
The cringey admission came during a conversation with his aforementioned spouse of eight years, Ana Brunell.
“We were sitting there doing work in the living room when he suddenly started asking what I thought about investing in a burial plot,” Ana says. “I mean what the fuck?”
“I love my husband, and I even love that he’s a long-term planner,” Ana adds. “But we’ve already been in our one bedroom apartment every day for a year, and now he wants to be feet away from me for eternity? What’s next? Following me into the bathroom?”
Yikes, Francis! Maybe save that kind of talk for the fifth decade of marriage, if you want there to be one.
“It just feels like a lot,” says Ana. “When I took those vows, ‘Till death do us part,’ I meant it. I have no reservations about committing to him for the rest of my life on Earth, but after that? I think I’ll probably do my own thing for a while.”
Francis, on the other hand, remains in complete denial of the needy and depraved nature of his desire for his and Ana’s corpses to lay together underground for the rest of eternity like some sort of folk song.
“I don’t think it’s that crazy,” Francis insists. “This is a responsible part of end of life planning so that your surviving loved ones don’t get stuck with it. It’s not weird!”
Okay, we’re literally scared!
“I’m not sure why he’s so obsessed with tying me down,” says Ana. “If we do end up buried next to each other, then, like, cute! I’m fine with that. But the planning of it this officially feels a little suffocating.”
We wish Francis and Ana a long life, during which maybe he’ll learn to chill a little!