Aw! This Grown Man Thinks It’s Cute That He’s Helpless Without His Wife Around

Adorable! Chris Holland, a 35-year-old NYC resident, thinks it’s cute that he’s utterly helpless without his wife. Chris, a grown man, thinks it’s endearing that he doesn’t know how to dress, groom, or feed himself when his wife is otherwise occupied.


“I’m just lost without her!” Chris laughed, apparently oblivious to the fact that it’s actually very sad that he, a man old enough to run for president, doesn’t know how to live without his wife constantly being at his side.


Chris seemed unaware that his acquaintances don’t find his ineptitude charming in the slightest.


“The other day, it took him 15 minutes to find his car keys because Jenna keeps track of all that stuff and she was busy taking the kid to the doctor,” said Jeremy, a family friend. “He actually called me for help. It was super depressing.”


But Chris doesn’t see his situation as pathetic.


“I guess you could say I’m a little boy at heart. Sometimes I jokingly call Jenna ‘mother’!” Chris laughed, plucking a post-it note from the refrigerator upon which Jenna left directions for how to heat up a microwaveable meal. “I would literally starve and die without my better half!”


While Jenna is visiting her mother upstate for a few days, Chris has resorted to wearing the same sweatpants until she gets back. Asked why he doesn’t change into fresh clothing, Chris dismissed the idea.


“Oh, that’s really outside my wheelhouse. Jenna usually lays out my clothes for me every morning so I don’t accidentally put on something dirty.”


Friends have expressed amazement that Chris has been capable of holding down a job all these years, and generally giving the impression that he’s an adult capable of caring for himself, when he is in reality a helpless man-baby.



“Chris has a 401K, for God’s sake,” said Jeremy, “The other day, I caught him eating a steak with his hands because he didn’t know where the utensils were. They were in a drawer next to him, same place as every home in America. Like, how is he alive?”