In a story that might just restore your faith in humanity, the deadline you set for yourself months ago and then immediately forgot about has been graciously extended by none other than yourself.
What a generous thing that you did there!
Sources confirm that in order to motivate yourself to finish a draft of the personal essay idea you’ve been sitting on for months, you set a firm deadline, hoping this would finally create enough pressure that you’d have to finish the project like you said you would.
Isn’t that cute? You would think, right?
While you made a good go of things in the first week, making slow yet steady progress, this immediately fell to shit when you deprioritized the project after this initial success.
“I was just doing so well and writing so much that I assumed a little break couldn’t hurt,” you told reporters gathered at the scene. “Well, the little break lasted about three weeks, and now the deadline I set for myself is tomorrow.”
Sources confirm that upon realizing the deadline was fast approaching, you panicked for a second, made plans to stay up all night, and then realized you should think about this rationally.
“Instead of freaking out and panic-finishing the project to meet the deadline I set for myself, I decided to email myself the night before,” you continued. “I very calmly said, ‘Hey, I’ve had some family stuff going on this week – is it possible to extend this deadline by 48 or perhaps 480 hours?’”
Sources confirm you did not have any family stuff going on this week, but anyone who denied this excuse would risk seeming heartless.
“Anyway,” you continued, leaning back in your desk chair. “That idiot totally bought it.”
By “that idiot,” reporters confirm you were referring to yourself. According to sources close to you, you didn’t just extend the deadline by 48 hours: You refused to set another deadline in its place, letting the project timeline edge into infinity.
“I’ll get it done eventually,” you said, pushing the relevant stack of papers off your desk and onto the floor. “But I’m super busy this week and next, and I was nice enough to give myself as much time as I need.”
Sources confirm you started a month-long free trial of an essay-writing software as added motivation to finish your project within the month, but this motivation fell apart when you realized you could just sign up for another free trial.
“I’ll definitely get it done in a little bit,” you finished, winking in the mirror in full view of the reporters.
