‘I Don’t Like Labels,’ Says Dude Talking About Genocide

In an infuriating turn of events, a guy you were talking to at a bar told you that he doesn’t really like labels, especially the label of “genocide of the Palestinian people.”


“Yeah, I don’t really like to define things. It’s just not for me,” said James Tillman, who has never finished a book in his life. “I prefer to stick to abstract terms, like ‘totally equal and fair war’ or ‘Israel simply defending itself.’ Nothing too serious, y’know?”


Despite James’ discomfort with labels like “genocide,” “ethnic cleansing,” and “settler-colonialism,” he is apparently fine with other labels when referring to Palestinian civilians, such as “human shields” and “terrorists”.


“Sure, Israel has killed over ten thousand Palestinian people who, for whatever reason, keep getting in the way of the bombs that were meant for Hamas,” James continued. “But a ‘genocide’? I don’t think it necessarily has to be defined that way. I’d prefer just to vibe instead!”


By “vibe,” James meant that he’d prefer to shrug while watching innocent civilians in Palestine be murdered by the IDF without defining their horrific acts as what they are or really taking any action about it whatsoever.



“I like to keep things casual,” he said, talking to a third girl now, who he also wouldn’t let get a word in edgewise. “And that, for me, means taking social media breaks when the news starts to make me feel kind of bad, and skipping over any explanation of the history of Israel’s occupation of Palestine and the involvement the U.S. has had in it. I just want to take it easy and not rush to define anything – that’s just not my style.”


At press time, James still refused to acknowledge his three-year anniversary with one of his situationships or the struggle of the Palestinian people against the genocide perpetrated by Israel and the Western countries that fund its military.