Cute Instagrams that Shield Men from Your Reality as a Woman

Like all social media sites, Instagram has certain policies limiting female nudity and displays of anything “distasteful”, because hello: women’s bodies can be WAY gross! Nobody needs to see that! How can you follow the rules and go the extra mile toward keeping your disgusting woman traits out of the public eye? Try these cute Instagrams on for size!


#IWokeUpLikeThis Selfie

Look great while pretending you didn’t spend an hour getting hair and makeup ready for this “quick” in-bed selfie. Men want to think that we don’t know we’re beautiful, because we’re beautiful by accident, and being something good by accident means we’re not uppity. As far as men know, gross stuff isn’t seeping out of our bodies all the time and we don’t wake up with crust in our eyes and our blemishes flushed in the head of our warm beds. We are gross. Don’t let men see!



Pretend you’re not bloated and on your period because, what? Who said period? That’s not a thing we women deal with every month! Hahaha. We’re fine. Slap on some Spanx and your tiniest dress and another fuck ton of makeup ‘cause looks come easy and boobs are free-zy. Yum yum, sexy ladies! No sweat! (Don’t show period blood or any indication that you menstruate. You are gross. Don’t show men.)




Did you just have a baby? How cute is that and how beautiful are you? Don’t scare men with anything too “birthy” or “breastfeedy”. Boobs are for sex-play only, Mama! Don’t you remember how you got yourself in this mess in the first place? Get yourself looking much fresher than you are by making that skin all dewy, contouring that puffy face, and holding your baby in a loving embrace. The baby can be nakey, but not you for a year or so! Tuck it all up and away! Do not let the bad things show; there are men here!


#LeanHalfIn #Blessed

Work got you down because you make less money and work harder than the boys? Nobody wants to see that! Take an at-work selfie that highlights your mani (cuz you’re still a woman and this mani is amaze, duh) and also your gratefulness to even have a job at all! Just cause your mani is boss doesn’t mean you deserve to be boss! So focus on working it, instead of focusing on how your hard work isn’t paying off. Do not ever, ever frown. Instagram will take it down.


Social media is a great place to make a splash with your look without making waves. Don’t let men see the real you, or you could risk having your profile permanently deleted. Just because you face hurdles they’ll never have to deal with doesn’t mean you can’t look cute!