Despite every effort on your part to ease into your day slowly, your coworker Alana Franklin filled up her “I Hate Mornings” mug with coffee and proceeded to spend the entire morning chatting with you.
Although her “I Hate Mornings” mug and “Mondays Suck” desk tchotchke tell a different story, Franklin spent this Monday morning engaging in a 30-minute conversation with you about how she got into a huge fight with her roommate on Saturday night and how her friend Sarah’s sister broke up with her boyfriend for the fifth time.
“It was a crazy weekend. So much went down. You should come out with us next week,” says Franklin, only pausing to sip from her mug. “How about you? How was your weekend?”
Evidence shows that your efforts to respond with short answers are only adding fuel to Franklin’s fire.
“Come on, something must have happened,” says Franklin, breathing her coffee breath onto you. “Did you see any movies? Why are you tired? It’s Monday!”
Although you may feel like the only one, other coworkers have mistakenly let their guards down around Franklin before.
“Last week, Alana posted an ‘I’d Rather Be Sleeping’ meme on Facebook, so I sat next to her at the morning meeting. I was really hungover and thought she’d be chill,” says coworker Aaron Freneman. “But she just kept whispering and fist-bumping me during the meeting. It was so exhausting.”
“I sat across from her in the dining area because she was wearing headphones and said she had a headache,” says Lauren Larver, another of Alana’s coworkers. “She promptly took off her headphones and started showing me pics of her niece’s baptism. I just wanted to eat in peace!”
Despite being the office terror to you and everyone, Alana has no plans to change her defeated brand or her outgoing actions.
“Everyone in this office is such a good listener,” says Alana. “I don’t see myself leaving this job for a while.”
Sources confirm it’s time for you to start looking for a new job.