BREAKING: This Kohl’s Cash Isn’t Gonna Spend Itself

Today at 11:34 AM, authorities confirmed that this $20 in Kohl’s cash that you earned during a recent Kohl’s cash earn period is not gonna spend itself, you know.


You dutifully took it upon yourself to admit that you just gotta head back to the store and buy $20 worth of goods – an amount that could be applied to literally anything in the store, and it’s not gonna happen unless you make it happen, girl.


It won’t exactly be easy, traversing the store and scouting out the best use of your $20, searching for something both functional and fun, but you know this coupon isn’t going to get used up on its own.



You are wide awake to the infrequency of such opportunities, and above all, you are fucking ready.


At press time you were roving the aisles, inspecting shoe soles, shirt seams, and sock thickness making sure you were getting your money’s worth out of this rare promissory voucher. Because you are a getter of deals.


And no one, not a single soul, is going out to get those deals for you.