Woman Apparently Only Buys Shaky Dogs

Neighbors have noticed something interesting about 68-year-old Maude Henderson. In all her years of owning dogs, she seems to go after only the tiniest, shakiest ones she can find.


“I know she’s into rescue dogs, so she’s not exactly finding the youngest or the healthiest,” says Lisa Pontillo, who lives next door. “But I’ll be damned if she doesn’t seem to get herself the most vulnerable, horrified, shook dogs I’ve ever seen.”


“I’m scared to speak above a whisper when she walks by with one of those little leafs of a dog,” says Marco Fultano. “I don’t wanna give the thing a heart attack.”


Acquaintances can count at least four shaky dogs in her time on the block.


“There was Dodo, Sampson, Freckles, and now she has Elfie,” explains Pontillo. “I think there might even have been a fifth, but he died after a lightning storm. Like, inside the house.”



“You should see the things try to piss,” says Fultano. “The stream is never hitting the same spot twice. It’s all over the place. They are cute though, in the way that you constantly feel the need to protect it from something.”


Henderson is confused by the characterization of what she refers to only as “her “babies.”


“I mean who among us doesn’t shake a little from time to time? It’s cold out here. Alright, I’ve gotta shut the door. Goodbye.”