BREAKING: The First Outfit You Had on Was the One

In a still-developing story out of your bedroom, sources have confirmed that the first outfit you tried on was definitely the one.


“It’s just a lot to process at the moment,” you said. “I’m on outfit number 12 right now, so it’s pretty hard to accept that I could’ve stopped eleven outfits and two rage-cries ago.”


Your friends and family were less surprised by this turn of events.


“She does this every time,” said your partner, Lea, while waiting for you to change outfits again. “I tell her that her outfit looks great, and it’s almost like that’s what causes her to rethink it. Then I start to feel weird about my own sense of style, and subsequently question the outfit I have on, and then we’re both in our closets fighting back tears.”


Reports confirmed that you wasted 30 minutes trying on different variations of essentially the same outfit before coming to the conclusion that your initial outfit – the one you had planned out and put a lot of thought into – was actually the best choice.



According to reports, you started to get a bad feeling around outfit number four.


“Things just weren’t getting better at that point,” you said. “I started looking up capsule wardrobe subscription services, hated everything I saw, then briefly entertained the thought of becoming a nudist. It was a trying journey.”


When asked what was the ultimate reason for indecision, you admitted that you probably over-thought things, but believe this to be a universal experience.


“We’ve all been there, you know. You start out with a strong outfit, spend just a hair too long looking at yourself in the mirror, rethink everything, start watering your outfit down again and again until your initial outfit is just a distant memory, marred by the current outfit you’re wearing – which is actually the worst outfit you’ve ever seen in your life, and is honestly less of an ‘outfit’ and more of an ‘abstract interpretation of what a person looks like.’”


Experts confirm that common warning signs of this type of behavior include asking questions like “Would this top look better with jeans?” and “Does this button-down make me look like I have a 401k, but in a bad way?”


At press time, you were unable to comment, as you were then sweaty, disheveled, and running 30 minutes late to the event you had been getting ready for.