In fairly annoying news out of Manhattan, NY, 24-year-old Christiana Smith has been responding to every single question with, “I don’t know, I’m off Instagram!”
According to reports, Christiana just deleted the Instagram app yesterday, and she somehow thinks that not having the popular social media app gives her an excuse to never know what’s going on in the world.
“I used to be glued to my phone when I had Instagram installed,” she told reporters. “But now that it’s gone, I’m finally living in the moment, which is why you’re gonna have to ask someone else if you want to know about whatever viral video or worldwide news you’re talking about.”
People close to Christiana have also confirmed that she’s the most annoying she’s ever been right now.
“Christiana is one of my closest friends,” 23-year-old Laura Davidson said. “But it’s been hard hanging out with her lately. I mean, I asked her where the chips were at her house and she said that she didn’t know because she was ‘off Instagram.’”
“She literally forgot my birthday,” Christiana’s mom, Beatrice, added. “And her only excuse was that she didn’t know when it was because she wasn’t checking her ‘feed’ anymore. How is that an excuse for forgetting the birthday of the woman who gave birth to you? I’ve never even had an Instagram.”
However, despite the criticism, Christiana has never been happier with her decision to feel better than everyone because she deleted an app.
“I’m so much more mindful now,” she said. “I honestly feel sorry for anyone who still has Instagram, because life is so much more beautiful without it! I also have no idea what’s going on, and I refuse to look anything up, either.”
At press time, Christiana was pulled over for speeding in a school zone, and you can probably guess what her excuse was.