As the new girl in the office, you have a rare opportunity to make an impact and shake things up with your fresh ideas and effortless style. Even if you don’t have any style, now is the perfect time to experiment with a signature look that says, “I just went shopping” while also saying, “I feel dumb in this” with a twist of “I miss wearing slacks.” Here’s how to rock a new style that you’ll never be able to sustain beyond the first week at your new job. Enjoy the attention while it lasts!
Flawless Red Lipstick with a Contour Liner
How did you get this job? You applied. How will you make an impact in this job? You will apply lipstick and liner all at the same time. People will certainly pay attention to your new ideas because they’re coming from your newly rouged and contoured mouth. Don’t worry about smudges because you won’t be stopping to drink or eat in your first few days at work—your colleagues don’t know you’re a compulsive eater yet! In a few weeks you’ll be back to munching on Pringles with bare lips, but for now, show off that drama!
French Artisan Vintage Chic
Nobody knows how to dress quite like the French, but damn it, you’re going to try. Think: painter’s jackets, vineyard-worker’s dungarees and stonemason’s wedges. This look shouts creativity, work ethic, and “I died of a simple infection on my foot at age 32.” Due to the expense of sourcing 200-year-old peasant wear, this look may only sustain you for two days, max. But oh, the cool work friends you’ll make in those two days!
Pop Culture Nail Art
Did Drake just make it rain in a sushi restaurant? Has Angelina Jolie stopped another war? Did Amber Rose say literally anything? Put it on your nails! Nail art that reflects the changing pop cultural landscape will make you look relevant, and give your new coworkers something fun to look at while you’re gesturing wildly in your first few meetings. This look will require a lot of maintenance, so you’ll definitely lose interest after a week. But you can connect to your future dumpy office friends by helping them guess which celeb was recently on your chipped thumbnail!
All White
Your new coworkers don’t need to know you’ve never tried to live your all-white outfit dream, so now’s your chance! Wow them with your zen simplicity in a white tunic. Within three hours you will ruin it all by getting anywhere near a bottle of ketchup. But for now, you’re a young and kicky Yoko Ono!
Katharine Hepburn-Style Trousers
Can you pull off Katharine Hepburn’s sophisticated style? Not really, but who are your new coworkers to judge you? They don’t know who you are yet, and neither do you! Try pleated trousers, blouses and lots of cigarettes. One day of cameltoe from your high-waisted slacks will end this experiment, but you’ll love it while it lasts.
Capes
Is Superwoman here to save the office from the same ol’ boring ideas? No, it’s YOU! A cape will give you the authority of a distinguished sexagenarian model in a Vogue spread about beauty over 40, and also raise a lot of questions about your suitability for this law firm. Enjoy for a limited time only if you want to hold onto your job.
There are so many looks you can try in your new job, it’s a wonder how you ever manage to fit any work in. You’re a 21st-century woman: be as unsustainably ambitious in your style choices as you are in the rest of your life!
