Let’s face it – sometimes you a love a man for his personality and are stuck with the terrible penis that comes along with it. Make the most of a bad situation by treating him like the owner of a perfect member that he will never be:
1. Play up the Grossness of Your Vagina
Make your man feel great by letting him know that you’re not perfect, either. Point out anything weird down there like skin tags, birthing scars, or yeast infections. Letting him know that you’re comfortable with your imperfections, will help him feel good about his incredibly deformed flesh.
2. Look into His Eyes During Sex
Eye contact during intimate moments can help build a strong bond between you and your partner, but it also can help keep you from having to look at that horrifying little nugget of limp flesh that your beloved insists on mashing incessantly against your inner thigh. Looking into his relatively inoffensive eyes will help to hide your disgust.
3. Email Him TED Talks
Nothing makes a person feel better than watching an empowering TED talk, and now that there is a TEDx conference for pretty much everything, The talk from Dr. Supa Ikipeen about the benefits of human biodiversity will have him thinking his hideous schlong is empowering and useful to mankind.
4. Learn how to Touch Him
All bodies are different, and whether your man’s member is curled, coiled, barbed, bushy, or simply covered in blisters, it is important to learn what turns him on. Going the extra mile (or centimeter as the case may be) will really make him feel like you love him and his horrifying erection.
5. Compliment It
Look for nice things to say about his penis, so he knows you appreciate it. If his penis resembles a misshapen, fungi-like growth, tell him it looks like a rose. If it constantly emits the smell of burnt mushrooms, tell him what a good size it is. Your man will love the verbal affirmation.
Above all when dealing with a terrible penis, remember to focus on the positive things about your man that are not his penis, because there must be something really great about him for you to put up with that terrible penis.