Author Archives for Heven Haile

How to Love Yourself Even Though You Got on the Wrong Train Twice

How to Ask Someone to Turn Down Their Music Without Sounding Like a Fox News Correspondent

People Don’t Throw Shoes at Political Leaders Like They Used To

Blackfishing? This White Person Uses a Washrag

Oh No! Your Favorite History Teacher Was a Republican All Along

Aw! This Woman Doesn’t View Rejection as Evidence of Her Worthlessness

Study Finds Delta Variant Manifested by Woman Who Couldn’t Get Phoebe Bridgers Tickets

Here’s Why I Cross the Street When I See a White Family

I LIVED IT: I Didn’t Say ‘Bless You’ and Now I Have to Perform an Exorcism on My Friend

Aw! This ‘Mom’ of the Friend Group Ruthlessly Criticizes Everyone

How to Say, ‘Like I Said Earlier’ Without Sounding Like A Raging Bitch

How to Tell if Your Cat Is Inheriting Your Generational Trauma

I’m Dating a White Man but It’s Okay Because He Cried During ‘The Color Purple’

Hate Date - Reductress

4 Subtle Ways to Indicate That if He Cuts His Hair You Will Leave Him

Help! A White Person Corrected Me on Black History, and They Were Right

Man Realizes Personal Demons Actually Consequences of His Actions

How to Recommend Bo Burnham’s Comedy Special Without Explaining Your Mental Illness in Excruciating Detail