Listening to music is also such a sacred activity, that oftentimes can only be fully enjoyed at maximum volume. You get that! Only a right-wing sycophant would take delight in taking this simple pleasure away from someone. So, if you are wondering how to politely ask someone to lower the volume without sounding like a Sean Hannity, we’ve got some tips for you:
Compliment their music taste.
This will butter them up. Say things like “Omg, is that the new Drake song? He really is the GOAT” or “I love the Punisher album. ‘Halloween’ is my favorite.” See, if you draw attention to a quieter song this will prompt them to play it next and you’ll have a couple more minutes to quickly fall into a deep sleep before they inevitably turn the volume back up. The anger you feel toward someone for existing will make you feel pretty Fox News correspondent, but at least no one will know it.
Give them a nice note.
Are you terrified of confrontation? We get it! Just slide a note under their door and draw a cute doodle to let them know that you aren’t angry or a terrible person or anything like that. With technology the way that it is, you can even airdrop the note to their device. This way you won’t risk them seeing your face and picturing it above a news banner fear mongering about the danger of refugees!
Bring up your pets.
Really tug at their emotions. Tell them that your beloved pet gets anxious when they hear loud noises. Plus, a Republican would not possibly care about animals, right? Even if you don’t have a pet, just play some cat noises every once in a while to maintain this facade until one of you moves out. It’s easier than being thought of as a shill for the hegemonic powers that be.
Try to hack their Bluetooth speakers.
Put that one computer science class you took for a week in college to use! Once you’re connected, play some really creepy music. They’ll think that their place is haunted and hopefully move out! Would a Fox news correspondent do that? No. They would probably run a segment about youths practicing technological Satanism, and you’re the youths! You’re the youths.
So try out these tips to maintain your progressive public image while you ask someone to turn down their tunes. But hey, if this doesn’t work just go full Fox & Friends on them. You can always avoid them in the halls or move out!