I Know What’s Best For The Health of My Family, And It’s Magical Thinking

Happy woman excited

I’m a mom, a wife, a doula, an urban chicken farmer, a life coach, an extended breast-feeder, a weaver, a kombucha brewer, a yogini, and a Therapeutic Healing Touch practitioner. But most importantly, I’m a mom. And as a mom, I know what’s best for the health of my family: magical thinking.

 

I’m not stupid. I went to college. I took science classes. So I know about microbiology, infection control, anatomy, physiology, and all that. I am fully aware that the scientific method – including use of a control group, randomization, double-blind studies, and the peer review method – is the best tool we humans have of unlocking the secrets of the natural world to find ways of curing disease.

 

Science is great. It’s done a lot of good for the world, to be sure. It’s just not right for me or my family.

 

We have opted for a more controversial but totally natural method called “Please No Bad.” Periodically, as a family, we’ll squeeze our eyes shut, cover our ears, and chant, “Please no bad.” This chemical-free protective measure has worked for us so far and we’re going to keep on using it, despite the hatred we receive from others.

 

I’m not just talking about vaccines, but we can start there. A lot of people have judged us harshly in recent days for not vaccinating our nine young children. That’s fine. I myself was held down and vaccinated when I was young. I understand that vaccines bolster vulnerable immune systems by stimulating your body’s natural defenses against disease without actually giving you the disease. I understand that vaccines are safe and effective, and that herd immunity is the best way we have to ensure that young or immunocompromised children don’t get sick and die from terrible infectious diseases that, until relatively recently, were commonplace. I get it. And if you want to live and die by the wholly effective, risk-free, and affordable breakthroughs that Western medicine has produced, that’s fine. That’s your right.

 

But don’t expect me to come along on that joyride of lies.

 

Here’s what I do believe in: toxins. I believe that toxins are in everything, and even though I can’t exactly articulate what these toxins are or where they come from or where they live in my body or what they’re doing that’s apparently threatening my life, I know they’re there. And as a mother, you can be damned sure I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure that these imaginary toxins don’t get into the pure white light embodiment of the physical plane occupied by my nine beautiful children. My husband and I practiced magical thinking as a form of birth control, and we have had sex way more than nine times. How’s that for proof?

 

 

I believe most illnesses can be cured by eating garlic. Yes, even scoliosis. It’s something about the pH balance being off, and garlic fixes that. When in doubt, eat more garlic. I eat it raw, like a tiny apple, sixteen to seventeen heads of garlic a day. My skin has never felt so soft.

 

Whenever a friend gets cancer, I make sure to tell her about the power of vitamin C and a can-do attitude. I’ve lost so many friends to the acidic nightmare of chemotherapy. They’re still alive; we just don’t talk anymore. Thanks a lot, Big Pharma.

 

Don’t get me started about sugar. Don’t get me started about gluten. Don’t get me started about mercury or fluoride. Because I will literally never stop talking about it.

 

Do get me started about the healing vibrations of singing anything in the key of A major. Do get me started about eating for your blood type, skin type, and hair color. I could go on for days about the mystical properties of a dried tangerine peel. These are the things that I believe, and it’s my right. It’s also what my children believe, because they have to.

 

 

I don’t expect you slaves to the mainstream Western corporate industrial complex to understand this. I don’t go around forcing my beliefs on you like you go around forcing your vaccines on helpless unsuspecting children who want nothing more than to overcome measles, mumps, and rubella the natural way. Blindness isn’t even that bad. If my child were to become blind, at least he wouldn’t see all the glares from ignorant outsiders who wish I’d bring him to the doctor. At least he wouldn’t see that.

 

So if you don’t let my kids back into the public schools on Monday, I’m going to get a lawyer and sue this school district so hard it won’t know what hit it. What hit it, in fact, will be polio.

 

Hey, here’s a crazy idea: Let’s all learn to live in peace with everyone, even the life-threatening virulent microorganisms with whom we share this precious and astounding earth plane. Life is so magical, and we honor that magic only when we engage in magical thinking.

COMMENTS

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  • Perfection!

  • Rebecca Raven

    Hahaaa! Very accurate for Seattle. We had to give up having people to dinner….it was just to complicated. ;)

  • kender1

    I practice magical thinking every day. I do. I wake up, cover my ears, close my eyes and chant “Please don’t let me run across stupid online.” Then I click a link and end up here. So much for that, huh?

    • Kenneth James Abbott

      That’s the problem with the Left. Every time you satirize something, they go and do it.

      • tammy

        Rand Paul and Chris Christie have expressed the most anti-vaccine sentiment out of American politicians, so it looks like the Right is a step ahead on this one.

        • Anthony James Palumbo

          Anti-vaccine sentiments have been a part of coalitions on the Progressive-left and the right. Anti-war actress Jenny McCarthy still holds on to the claim that vaccines cause autism. The organic food/anti-GMO movement on the left is headed by numerous individuals with hysteria over vaccinations. Progressive-liberal blogger Sarah Pope has claimed that vaccines are “loaded with toxins,” stating that even if you loaded her neighborhood with all of the doctors recommending vaccinations, she wouldn’t care about their recommendations. In addition, it is naive to suggest that Paul and Christie have extraordinary anti-vaccine sentiment. Paul and Christie certainly have expressed anti-vaccine sentiment,but it would be ignorant of basic history to say that they have “expressed the most anti-vaccine sentiments.” Chris Christie has said that he is unsure of mandatory vaccinations, as it is a case of “balancing” the rights of parents and the community. Paul has stated that he doesn’t support mandatory vaccinations for all parents. These are absurd statements, but it is nothing compared to Dan Burton, who believes that his own child was given autism right after his vaccine.

          • tammy

            You must have a very low opinion of Republican politicians to compare them to actors and bloggers. Politicians are supposed to be held to a higher standard. I said their comments were more anti-vax than other politicians. “Sensible” people think of this as a fringe issue, but Paul and Christie are legitimizing it by bringing it into the political arena–this is especially reckless and immoral for people who may be running for president. There are legions of bloggers on both sides who say ridiculous things; they don’t belong in this conversation.

          • Anthony James Palumbo

            Christie made a comment about the complexity of vaccines, stating that there is a question of “balancing” rights with the need of the community. This has nothing to do with the scientific illiteracy in various political movements. Paul stated that he himself doesn’t believe in forced vaccinations. I disagree with both of their statements, but they didn’t support not vaccinating your children. And there have been persons involved in governance who have stated ridiculous things about vaccines. Senator Barack Obama, for example, stated in 2007, that “the science” was “inconclusive” on vaccines, which was very similar to Paul’s statements that the effect of vaccines isn’t clear.

        • Kenneth James Abbott

          Try reading Rand Paul and Chris Christie’s comments. Both of them support vaccines and state clearly that they’re effective. While both are wrong in explaining that endangering others’ children should be allowed, claiming that they’re “ahead” of the people who swear “Big Pharma” is deliberately giving us all autism is ridiculous.

      • Remiel Pollard

        Why are you trying to politicise scientific illiteracy? Every village has its idiots, both on the left and the right, which is demonstrated quite fervently on the right every time someone on that side tries to make laws based on a 2000 year old book of myths they call the bible.

        • Kenneth James Abbott

          First, there’s no need to politicize it when they do it so well on their own. The idea that medicine is bad because it comes from eeeeeebil corporations is pretty blatantly a leftwing phenomenon.

          Second, you’re going to accuse me of “trying to politicise scientific illiteracy” and in the same post slander Christianity?

          Physician, heal thyself.

          • Stephen James Richard Rodda

            Slander Christianity? Well, it’s a start.

          • Kenneth James Abbott

            A start? It’s all you folks have.

          • Remiel Pollard

            No, it’s not, because once again, and pay attention this time, there are idiots on BOTH ‘sides’. The biggest idiots being the ones, of course, that think there are sides, because there can be religious fundamentalists on the left as well as anti-vaxxers on the right. You, for example, have demonstrated your own idiocy by missing my point entirely, and tried to make what I said just another competition between the left and the right. Unfortunately for you, I’m a centrist.

          • Kenneth James Abbott

            “You, for example, have demonstrated your own idiocy by missing my point entirely”
            Your point is that it occurs on both sides. I said:
            “First, there’s no need to politicize it when they do it so well on their own. The idea that medicine is bad because it comes from eeeeeebil corporations is pretty blatantly a leftwing phenomenon.”

            You can disagree with that argument, but to say I don’t understand the point when I just argued against it is disingenuous.

            Also, while it ~happens~ on both sides…. http://youtu.be/OFmUNC7miNg

            To say it happens on both sides is not germane. There are Republicans who think taxes should be raised, and Democrats who think our tax system is too progressive; that doesn’t change the policy of either party.

          • Remiel Pollard

            Fine, you wanna keep this up? Generally speaking, despite some demonstrable stupidity on the left, it is far more prevalent on the right.

            http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=381_1352088400&comments=1

            You don’t understand the point, because the point was that you’re fucking retarded if instead of addressing the actual problem, you have to turn this into a left vs. right issue, which compared the the real problem of the prevalence of misinformation and how to solve it has absolutely NOTHING to do with politics. Because if we’re talking about which side causes the most harm through sheer stupidity, which side perpetuates the prevalence of the most misinformation and propaganda, that’d be yours.

            If we’re talking about misinformation in general, and how to solve it, then the left/right dichotomy doesn’t even factor in, because it’s not a political issue, and you are just as fucking retarded trying to make it one as anyone one the left who does the same.

            “Oh, but the left started it!” So what? Grow the fuck up, child, nothing you just posted negates the fact that the right is, in general, much stupider, and demonstrably so.

          • Kenneth James Abbott

            “Generally speaking, despite some demonstrable stupidity on the left, it is far more prevalent on the right.”

            And your evidence is… some basement-dweller’s talk show making dopey accusations based on some unnamed report? Well, that fits the pattern you’ve established so far…

            Also, do you actually think this guy is entertaining? There are liberal comedians who can be funny, even those who can make funny insults… but if you think this guy comes close, then perhaps you should think more about who you tell to “grow the fuck up.”

            Meanwhile, if your point is “you’re fucking retarded,” then yeah, I didn’t understand that’s what you were aiming at. My mistake–I thought I was debating an adult. That really ~is~ my mistake–I should have known better when I saw your anti-Christian idiocy.

            “Because if we’re talking about which side causes the most harm through sheer stupidity, which side perpetuates the prevalence of the most misinformation and propaganda, that’d be yours.”

            Try again, and this time please make a statement that’s based somewhere in reality.

            “”Oh, but the left started it!” So what?”

            At no point did I say or imply that the left started it. Check here for a little perspective:
            http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Straw_man

            Then here:
            http://the-redneck.livejournal.com/41059.html

          • Remiel Pollard

            HAHAHA! Oh the hypocrisy. You wanna call my evidence questionable while linking youtube videos and blogs of your own? Thing is, every time a hot scientific topic comes up, be it vaccines, evolution, climate change, etc, there’s always some idiot on the right trying to blame the left for some problem or another. Always. That’s politicising.

            When idiots on the left complain about “eebil gubmit” they’re not making it a political race, they’re not saying “eebil left” or “eebil right”, they’re at least blaming the whole government, even if they’re wrong. What you’re trying to do is make it like this is a competition between the left and the right and the left are in the wrong, and the reason you’re wrong is because both sides can be just as fucking retarded as the other. As you are demonstrating yourself with the retardation of politicising an issue of science and scientific literacy.

            The bottom line is, for the left and the right, both sides are too dumb to see they are being divided and conquered. As long as we’re hating each other we don’t bother to scrutinize the little man behind the curtain. As a result, people like yourself get sucked into thinking there are sides when in fact, we’re all on the same planet and by virtue of that, we’re all on the same side whether we like it or not. And we have to adapt to that, or die, it’s that simple. The guy in the video I linked is just as fucking dumb as you for failing to identify the real problem here is not which side of the political spectrum is dumber than the other. It’s that you’re both just as fucking dumb as the other. There’s no competition, you’re both winning your own race to the Darwin Awards while ironically failing to realise how much damage you’re doing.

          • Kenneth James Abbott

            “HAHAHA! Oh the hypocrisy. You wanna call my evidence questionable while linking youtube videos”

            The youtube video notes exactly where their information came from (Pew Research). That’s a far cry from the basement-dweller you dug up.

            “and blogs of your own?”

            I didn’t claim that blog to be evidence–just valuable (and apparently much-needed) perspective.

            “Thing is, every time a hot scientific topic comes up, be it vaccines, evolution, climate change, etc, there’s always some idiot on the right trying to blame the left for some problem or another. Always. That’s politicising.”

            If we have the facts (and so far, it’s clear I do), and all you have is a series of dopey insults, perhaps you’re calling the wrong person an idiot.

            “When idiots on the left complain about “eebil gubmit” they’re not making it a political race, they’re not saying “eebil left” or “eebil right”, they’re at least blaming the whole government, even if they’re wrong.”

            No. That’s a stupid, blatantly false claim. I call bullshit, and demand you put forth some evidence to back up your yammering.

            “What you’re trying to do is make it like this is a competition between the left and the right and the left are in the wrong, and the reason you’re wrong is because both sides can be just as fucking retarded as the other.”

            That’s not what the numbers say.

            “As you are demonstrating yourself with the retardation of politicising an issue of science and scientific literacy.”

            Because science and scientific literacy NEVER have anything to do with politics. It’s not like people are more likely to disbelieve in vaccines if they’re liberal, for example….

            Oh, wait, it IS like that. Which means your entire point is based on a blatant falsehood.

            “The bottom line is, for the left and the right, both sides are too dumb to see they are being divided and conquered. ”

            If only we knew there were no real disticntions between socialism and capitalism…..

            “As long as we’re hating each other we don’t bother to scrutinize the little man behind the curtain.”

            If you want to decry hate, perhaps you should stop making posts filled with blatant, childish insults.

            “As a result, people like yourself get sucked into thinking there are sides when in fact, we’re all on the same planet and by virtue of that, we’re all on the same side whether we like it or not.”

            “Oh the cirrrrrrcle of life…..”

            Yeah–here in the real world, different people want different things.

            “The guy in the video I linked is just as fucking dumb as you for failing to identify the real problem here is not which side of the political spectrum is dumber than the other. It’s that you’re both just as fucking dumb as the other. There’s no competition, you’re both winning your own race to the Darwin Awards while ironically failing to realise how much damage you’re doing.”

            Someday you’ll realize that “you’re dumb” is not an actual argument.

          • Remiel Pollard

            TL;DR. You’re still missing the point, but I confess I was pretty naive to expect a retard like yourself to get it.

          • Kenneth James Abbott

            http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ad_hominem

            I think it’s clear who won this little scuffle.

          • Remiel Pollard

            Despite not getting my point, you did manage to prove it by being retarded enough to think I’m trying to compete with you or win something. On that note, it’s not ad hominem if it’s demonstrable fact.

          • Kenneth James Abbott

            And now you back up your staggering loss with a series of childish lies.

            Dude, everybody knows you lost this argument. That was clear from the start, but even the most die-hard skeptics would be aware of it once you decided that the facts were just too much trouble for you to deal with. You don’t need to keep reminding folks.

          • Remiel Pollard

            Again, retard, you seem to think there was some kind of argument. Something to win or lose. I don’t really give one half a fuck what a bunch of randoms on the internet think of me, and you are literally less precious to me than what I pick out of my toenails in the shower. Nobody won or lost anything, I merely stated some facts for your consideration, facts you chose to dodge and avoid like a good little hypocrite who prefers to accuse everyone else of being at fault in the world because you’re too retarded to take any responsibility for yourself.

          • Kenneth James Abbott

            -Again, retard, you seem to think there was some kind of argument. Something to win or lose-

            Yeah, y’see that’s what happens when people disagree on something.

            Well, that’s what happens when two adults disagree on something. When one of them isn’t an adult, then one person wins an argument, and the other talks about how insignificant his opponent is to him, and throws around terms like “retard” and “fuck” as if they proved anything beyond a third-grade mentality.

            -I don’t really give one half a fuck what a bunch of randoms on the internet think of me, and you are literally less precious to me than what I pick out of my toenails in the shower.-
            Nonsense. Look at your posts, kid–you’re OBSESSED with me.

            -I merely stated some facts for your consideration, facts you chose to dodge and avoid-

            No you didn’t. You have yet to state a single fact.

            -facts you chose to dodge and avoid like a good little hypocrite who prefers to accuse everyone else of being at fault in the world because you’re too retarded to take any responsibility for yourself.-

            “Being at fault in the world”? Is English your first language?

          • Remiel Pollard

            That’s right, keep ranting at me and proving how pants-on-head stupid you are. Every time you reply it’s like you’re frothing at the mouth in denial. I’m gonna have to get more popcorn if you keep this up, you’re only a little less entertaining than trained apes at the zoo, and I suspect you haven’t even had the training. I will address one thing though.

            “You have yet to state a single fact.”

            Ignoring facts doesn’t mean I didn’t state any. Wilful ignorance – while stupidity may be prevalent on both left and right (that’s a fact, deny it all you want but your own Dunning-Kruger has proven it right here repeatedly), wilful ignorance is an exclusive hallmark attribute of the right, and only the right. Usually the religitarded right.

          • Kenneth James Abbott

            -That’s right, keep ranting at me and proving how pants-on-head stupid you are. –

            Proving you wrong over and over and over again shows up ME as stupid?

            –Ignoring facts doesn’t mean I didn’t state any.–

            Why don’t you try stating one and see?

            -wilful ignorance is an exclusive hallmark attribute of the right, and only the right. Usually the religitarded right.-

            Then why are leftists like you the obvious inheritors of it?

          • Remiel Pollard

            HA! As stated above, I’m a centrist. It’s that Dunning-Kruger at work where you claim to be proving me wrong while actually proving me right, especially about that wilful ignorance thing. And if it’s not wilful ignorance, than it’s outright presumption, which still proves me right about how equally dumb the radical left is with the radical right. You are no different, and once again, ignoring the facts doesn’t mean I haven’t given you any. Keep it up, I’m all restocked with popcorn now.

          • sop27

            Well, it must be true since some guy on youtube said so! And, FYI, as a super liberal who works at a dot.com start-up, the only person that I know who is anti-vaccine is a Christian friend who believes that homosexuality is sin. Sure, she voted for Obama, but certainly not a “liberal” or a “progressive”. Clearly, this is less about liberals and more about Obama. Thanks Obama!

      • VikingRN

        Public health is neither a left or right issue. I it is a matter of using the very best measures available to prevent morbidity and mortality

    • Jørgen Oktober Storm Nestande

      Good satire stings.

  • Superfluid

    I bet half the people who agree this is ludicrous worship God(s). Ironic.

    • Kenneth James Abbott

      Because liking modern medicine should be exactly the same as sharing your petty hatreds. If only we could see that!

    • Anna

      Or maybe not and you’re just stereotyping. I attend a Christian university and am going to be a pharmacist. I fully support vaccinations, as do MANY of my classmates and professors.

    • I believe in God and I believe God gave us common sense and science. People always have freedom of choice to do what they want. Having faith in God does not equate to stupid, it’s my spiritual choice. If someone else doesn’t believe like I do, that’s called choice not stupid…it’s really that simple.

    • Stephen James Richard Rodda

      So it would seem. Oh, Dawkins, protect us!

    • Superfluid

      I didn’t say Christians don’t believe in science. I am saying, worshiping god(s) is “magical thinking” – if you mock the mindset underlying the thinking above (as you should), but pray to a sky genie at night, you’re a hypocrite.

    • As an atheist and anti-theist, I have to wonder why you feel religion is relevant to this? Oddly, anti-vax beliefs seem to have no boundaries. Believers, non-believers, left-wing, right-wing, center… basically any group you can find or create will have at least one anti-vaxer.

      • Superfluid

        Is pointing out hypocrisy when I see it not relevant? I already explained where I draw parallels, and although it may not be “relevant”, it is noteworthy. Rightfully mocking ignorance in one regard, and ignoring it in another, is tantamount to intellectual dishonesty.

        • And yet there are atheists and anti-theists who are, for example, anti-vaccines!

          Or haven’t you heard about Bill Maher?

          Look. I think pointing out hypocrisy is fine and dandy. Hell… I’m very happy to tell people that I think faith is a bug, not a feature, of the human condition, and would like to live in a majority non-theist world, or at least a world with less public religion and more private religion.

          But I fail to see what point any of that has on this article. This article is not about religion. There are plenty of theists who have no problem with science.

          And I don’t know if she’s a theist or an atheist, but the author of this satirical article actually has no problem with science, either, because she’s obviously making fun of people who think like this.

          My point is simple: there are atheists who have issues with science, and theists who don’t. There are theists who have issues with science, and atheists who don’t. The “magical thinking” being lampooned by this article is not limited to theism. So there’s really no point in bashing theists here when atheists can engage in this exact same kind of thinking.

          Not that I’m a fan of “dictionary atheism” myself, what with being a Social Justice Warrior and White Knight and #FTBully and all, but atheism really isn’t anything more than a lack of belief in a higher power or powers. Don’t forget that Raelians and Scientologists are, by that basic definition, atheists. Atheism is not an inculcation from magical thinking. So you aren’t saying anything noteworthy or interesting by bashing theists here. It’s simply off topic.

          Save it for yet another article about how the Catholic Church has protected yet another pedophile priest, or another Christian terrorist murdered an abortion provider, or the Westboro Baptist Church protested another funeral, or ISIS burned another journalist alive… because we all know fanaticism is the curse that keeps on cursing, on a depressingly daily, if not hourly, basis.

          • Superfluid

            Neat. My point still stands.

  • tlee

    It’s consistently proven that prayer decreases recovery time and increases the life span of people with terminal diagnosis. So, if the author is advocating “pro-science,” she missed the mark, since, scientifically-speaking, “Magical Thinking” is quite effective. But, way to jump on the bandwagon and be inflammatory. Nothing like creating division to solve society’s problems.

    • KaseyJones

      I think you missed the mark of the entire article.

    • Isa Cambia

      You are incorrect about prayer.

      A 2009 Cochrane review of intercessory prayer studies concluded: “These findings are equivocal and, although some of the results of individual studies suggest a positive effect of intercessory prayer,the majority do not and the evidence does not support a recommendation either in favour or against the use of intercessory prayer. We are not convinced that further trials of this intervention should be undertaken and would prefer to see any resources available for such a trial used to investigate other questions in health care.”

    • Isa Cambia
    • ButDoctorIHatePink

      Actually, those “studies” are not studies and nothing has been proven or come close to being proven about prayer.

      That said, it doesn’t hurt, have at it. But as a person with incurable cancer, I understand that this myth of positive attitudes and prayer, as well as the dangers of eating sugar or crazy talk about the alkalinity of your body is a protective device that people use so that they believe they have some sort of control over the uncontrollable.

      And as a person with incurable cancer, who has done years of chemotherapy, please effing vaccinate your children. I am that immunicompromised person who can be killed by your idiocy. I might like to go to Disneyland too, before my life ends.

    • batguano

      There were lots of religious people who died in various plagues in Europe.

  • disqus_YzHdo1rtYu

    I respect your right to your own beliefs but if you’re not taking your child to a doctor or hospital (A real medical professional) when they need it, you have failed as a parent. If you would rather have your child go blind than see the glares of people who know you should be getting that shit taken care of because- hey! It was probably easily preventable- You are a shit parent.

    The way this is written (“…and we’ve had sex way more than nine times. How’s that for proof?” after having nine kids) I assumed this was a joke. At first I was going to take it seriously but then she get’s all “Holier-than-thou” and I just couldn’t stop laughing. Get off your high horse lady, and give it back the blinders, those aren’t for human use.

    • Charles Carter

      lol. you have no sense of humor obviously.

    • You do know this is satire… right?

  • Marian Rosin

    One of my favorite titles ever. Hysterical article, too.

  • PR

    “Whenever a friend gets cancer, I make sure to tell her about the power of vitamin C and a can-do attitude. I’ve lost so many friends to the acidic nightmare of chemotherapy. They’re still alive; we just don’t talk anymore. Thanks a lot, Big Pharma.”

    So it was “Big Pharma” who forced your friends to reject you and your vitamin-and-garlic-and-doit-fixation?

    No, dear, it was you – people became healthy again, thanks for Big Pharma.

    Less talking about your fixation could help boost your friendships…

  • PR

    Otherwise the positive thinking, the do-it attitude and healthy diet could help everybody to feel better, be better to be more healthy.

    The solution is simple: use everything that works, regardless what people say. Does your body need meat? Than eat meat, even if every vegan spits venom because of it. Does your body refuse meat? Than don’t eat it.

    But there is one thing that doesn’t depend on positive thinking, magickal thinking, garlic or other diet: viruses and infection.

    It’s like radiation: you can eat tons of garlic and shout through house-size megaphones that “Please No Bad”, lethal dose of radiation will make you sick and kill you.

    Or it’s like breathing and water: if you are a mammal and breath with lungs, you will be drown if you stay too long underwater.

    Viruses don’t care about garlic or positive thinking – the crowd immunisation protects your children, not your thinking. And by not vaccinating them, you threaten other children and old people too.

    You, dear “mom”, consciously want to spread epidemics. And it shall be punished by law.

    You have the right to do with your body and health and life what you want. But you don’t have the littlest right to violate other people’s health and life. Nor even your children’s.

  • PR

    Dear “Mom”, do your research:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Measles_outbreaks_in_the_21st_century

    And it’s only measles. There are more epidemics thanks for unvaccinated people in the third world and anti-vaccination idiots in the first world.

    Mumps:
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mumps_outbreaks_in_the_21st_century

    Polio:
    http://www.bbc.com/news/world-27284389

    Yes, iron lungs are “fun”… worse than children sized coffins.

    • Von

      This piece is satire. The author is making us realize how ridiculous people who think that way really are. Read it again and you’ll see what she’s doing – like when she says she used “natural birth control” and “only had nine kids,” or talks about how she has no idea where the toxins are, but she knows they are there. She’s poking fun at people who don’t vaccinate and who think vitamin C cures cancer!

  • Katrina Lowe

    I eat a shit load of garlic every damn day because I love the shit, and still have scoliosis. So nope not a cure. I also have MS, hasn’t cured that. My kids eat it too, nope not a cure they both have exzema and adhd. My mother eats it too, nope she still got cancer.

    • Stacy Awesome

      This is making fun of that kind of thinking. HTH

  • El Cid

    How do so many people miss that this is a joke?

    • ForGMOEducation

      People are so stupid now that I seriously thought it was real for a couple of paragraphs.

    • xstratusx

      Because it’s so realistic!

  • leebossa

    as long as Witchiepoo keeps her germy brats at home, the world will be a safer place.

  • ROFL. This is awesome.

  • The Law of Attraction actually says this should be “Only good things happen to me.” Thinking about bad so often will only attract bad to you. Totes a poser! (And totes sarcastic, just to be clear.)

  • Guest

    If this lady really wants to liver her life magically, I strongly suggest that she stop being hypocritical about it and go for it. She should simply and sincerely wish herself to the store, wish her food refrigerated, wish her food cooked, wish her clothes washed, wish herself clean, wish her teeth brushed, wish herself dressed, wish her hair done, wish herself warm, wish her clothes dry, wish her children educated…if she says it’s just silly to expect magic to make those things happen, then how are they any different that wishing for good health?

    This lady is a complete loon!

    So, she says she went to college and took science classes, but now she is totally ignoring what she should have learned.

    Recommending Vit C and a can-do attitude for cancer!? Of course a positive attitude is necessary, but if that’s all you’re willing to work with, well that and garlic, you will have a positive attitude all the way to the morgue.

    It’s people and attitudes like hers that has led to the current dismal levels of science illiteracy in America and why Americans are so happy and content to be scientifically illiterate.

  • Alan Holyoak

    The sad, sad thing here is that there are people, lots and lots of people out there who will happily buy into this (I hope) tongue in cheek piece. They will accept this article as an example of good parenting and good health science…such is the sad state of scientific illiteracy in America…and masses of Americans who are blithely happy to be and remain scientifically illiterate.

  • Mo86

    This is a joke, right? This person cannot be real?

    You can do all the magical thinking you want. If you want to put your poor kids at risk that way, that’s sad, but it’s your choice.

    But you’id better keep those kids away from me, my family/friends and the rest of society. Got that?

  • MsJennifer

    no… seriously… is this a joke article?

  • Donald Higdon

    Is this a joke?

  • Clarissa Holz

    excellent satire article.

  • Demaris Forsythe

    Hilarious! Thank you for making me laugh!