REPORT: You Can Totally Make Garlic Bread Right Now, If You Want

A new report from Washington University found that you can totally make garlic bread right now, if you want. For real.


According to researchers, this finding could be a huge win for you if you’re into it.


“At the beginning of the process, we were really poring over the details, plugging all sorts of hypotheticals into our garlic bread outcome simulator,” says Dr. Shea Cole. “But then we stopped doing that because we all agreed, like, you totally can just make it. It’s actually pretty easy.”


These results could affect a major paradigm shift in the way we think about garlic bread and having and eating it.


“Basically, you need bread, garlic, butter, or olive oil, and if you have some parmesan and parsley, all the better,” says Dr. Cole. “And that’s it. I mean, you can Google a recipe for the details yourself. That’s not my job; I have a Ph.D.”


The discovery has already majorly impacted those its news has reached.


“When I first heard I could make garlic bread right now, I wasn’t exactly shocked, but I was like, oh yeah,” says Maria Elena Saeta.



But while it’s clear that you can make garlic bread if you want, the report goes the extra mile in also addressing why you should, if you want.


“We’re not trying to force anyone,” says Dr. Cole. “But just to provide some perspective, garlic is delicious, butter is delicious, bread is really, really good. So slap them all together and put them in the oven, and you might just have a nice time. And there’s even a name for it: garlic bread, of course.”


Further notes in the report indicated that the best time to eat garlic bread is with spaghetti and marinara, while intoxicated by a substance of your choosing, and right now.


“So get out there and make your garlic bread dreams a garlic bread reality, if you want,” says Dr. Cole. “I would say I was going to go have some now, but I actually ate a ton while we were doing the report, and I’m pretty sick of it.”


Buon appetito!