Accessories That Scream, ‘You Said You’d Leave Your Wife Six Months Ago!’

A thoughtfully put together outfit does much more than provide style: It’s also a way to communicate to the people around you, whether it’s a simple message like “I’m ready for this promotion” or, “God damn it, Jim, you said you’d leave your wife months ago!” Here are five fun and fresh accessories that will remind your beau that he promised he’d marry you and will have him running to follow up with his attorney ASAP.


Flower Crown

Flower crowns are the perfect natural accessory to give you a carefree and whimsical energy sure to make your boyfriend realize how much more fun you are than his wife! Jim told you six months ago that he was planning to end it, so don’t let him drag his feet any longer! This flower crown will remind him that he can still reclaim his lost youth and find happiness with a woman like you, just as soon as he is legally separated from Jen for a minimum of one year.


Braided Belt

A classic accessory that’s too often overlooked, a braided belt can make any outfit look polished and sleek. By upgrading a casual, shapeless dress, you can subtly remind your man to upgrade from his casual, shapeless wife of eight years. They aren’t happy, and you’re sick of waiting!


Wooden Watch

Wood watches are all the rage this season and can lend a sophisticated vibe with minimal effort. With a dark mahogany wristwatch on your arm you can appear mysterious, unlike the woman Jim watched birth two children. This classy and surprisingly affordable piece of wrist wear to remind your beau that you’re not waiting around forever for the divorce to go through.


Statement Necklace

Sometimes you need accessories that make a major statement and, with the right necklace, that statement could be, “Spousal support isn’t getting any cheaper, Jim.” Wear a more neutral outfit, because all attention should be on your funky necklace—just like all of Jim’s attention should be on the fine print of his pre-nup!



Brightly Colored Clutch

Brighten up your summer wardrobe with a neon clutch. A small purse is ideal for romantic summer evenings, and could be the perfect way to remind your boyfriend that you don’t have any real baggage, unlike his manipulative wife! Pop your phone and wallet in this cute accessory so he knows what it looks like to be ready to leave in under five minutes. Couple’s therapy isn’t helping, Jim!!!


These little touches can make a major difference to your style. With a few simple twists on your day-to-day look, your boyfriend will dream about some life changes, so that you can move into the beach house by Christmas. Next time you’re putting together the perfect outfit, try out a fresh accessory that will have him shedding his very out-of-season marriage!