In a rousing story that emphasizes the power of marketing, 23-year-old Olivia Phuong has rebranded her smoking habit as something much more palatable! She isn’t “addicted”: It’s just that her current hyperfixation meal is a cigarette.
You go, girl! Sure it is!
“I am constantly going through a cycle of hyperfixation meals,” Olivia told reporters while taking a smoke break from her previous smoke break. “I love to repeat easy meals for weeks on end! For example, right now, my hyperfixation meal is a cigarette in addition to whatever else I’m eating that day.”
While it’s true that Olivia has had many go-to meals in the past, such as chickpea salad or pesto ravioli, reporters confirm this is the first time her hyperfixation meal is a habit she has had for literal years.
“You know how you eat eggs for a while and then one day you just hate the taste of eggs?” she continued. “It’s exactly like that! Except I will never learn to hate cigarettes.”
Since her “hyperfixation meal” trend cycle began, Olivia has smoked a cigarette every breakfast, lunch, and dinner over the past four weeks.
“I just can’t get enough of the stuff!” Olivia continued. “I wonder if there’s a scientific reason for that!”
There is! But don’t worry about it!
“I’m used to Olivia recommending the best new recipe every few weeks, like the Gigi Hadid pasta or a skillet cookie,” said Olivia’s best friend, Francesca Tan. “But last week, she came over to my apartment, burst through the door really jazzed, and just kept saying that she’d found the best meal and I had to try it. Then she handed me a packet of Pall Malls and ran back outside. I heard cars honk down the street. Is she okay?”
Sources confirm that prior to this hang with Francesca, Olivia appeared to have six straight “hyperfixation meals.”
“I’m telling you guys, it’s so convenient!” Olivia said, eyes wider than reporters had ever seen. “I feel like I can fly! My head is light as air! I’m never going back to tuna sandwiches!”
“Should I be concerned?” Olivia’s mother, Victoria Phuong, asked reporters. “We Facetimed yesterday, and when I asked if she was eating well, Olivia just said, ‘Oh yeah,’ then pointed to her box of cigarettes suggestively.”
At press time, against all odds, Olivia had gotten tired of this hyperfixation meal and had progressed to a new one: a single bump of cocaine.