Woman’s New Bob Bringing Down the Group Average

Megan Woods arrived in Vegas for her roommate’s birthday party with a new bobbed haircut that friends claim, “dramatically lowered our group average” for the weekend.


Friends say that her decision to cut off ten inches of hair – a drastic effort to cope with a recent breakup – was “really going to cost them” on their nights out.


“With Megan’s old curls, Brittany’s cleavage, and the way my legs look in heels, our group was easily a 9,” Woods’ roommate Heather Myers said of their overall babe rating. “But Megan’s Peter Pan move brings us down to a 7.5 at best. You could argue we rate even lower in a major city like this.”


Myers added the decline in group average couldn’t have come at a worse time, noting Vegas club promoters were not sensitive to breakup bobs.


She also noted that Woods’ “selfish decision” had ruined her plans to drink for free for the entire weekend: “We’re not models. At a time like this, we can’t afford these kinds of mistakes.”



Friends grew concerned about similarly rash decisions Woods considered while on the trip, as they saw her considering a Koi fish design at a tattoo parlor, as groups of girls with flowing locks get ushered to the front of the line at the nightclub next door. “We considered leaving her right then and there,” said Myers. “But we’re just not those kinds of people.”


“I just need to reinvent myself,” Woods said, compulsively checking her phone for messages from her ex. “Should I get one on my thigh or my back?”