In a classic Catch-22, Brooklyn resident Janizca Lowell has noticed that the best dance music always comes out when prices are at an all-time high, meaning that she will never be able to experience the best pop music the way it was intended: by going to the club.
“Just like the music that came out during the 2008 housing market crash, the hits just keep on coming,” Janizca told reporters gathered in her bedroom, where she was solemnly bumping the latest Kaytranada album. “The only problem is that I can’t even afford to dance to all of this new music at a club unless I want to pay a $40 entrance fee and pay for $20 drinks, which I literally can’t unless I take out a loan for partying.”
“I wish I could be a 365 party girl,” Janizca continued, referencing Charli XCX’s latest track. “But that’s just not possible with the economy we’re dealing with right now.”
Janizca added that she would have loved if all these musicians came out with dance music when inflation was lower.
“Where were Ke$ha and Tinashe when I had more than $50 in my bank account at any given time?” she said. “Now, every pop singer is coming out of the woodwork to release the most electric, dopamine-boosting song they’ve ever made, and no one can even properly appreciate it unless they have a trust fund.”
When asked if Janizca blames her parents for not investing in her clubbing future, she responded that “it’s easy to point fingers, but I know it’s not healthy to hold grudges.”
As of press time, Janizca has started investing the little savings that she has into a partying fund for the future.
“I may not be able to go out this year,” she told reporters. “But I’m sure as hell going to be at the club when the next recession hits. Even if I have to wait 20 more years when I don’t even know who the new pop girlies are, it will be literally impossible to keep me away from the club.”
