Woman Torn Between Having Sex and Being Alone

In a developing story out of St. Louis, MO, 23-year-old Verna Thompson is torn between the equally appealing options of having sex and being alone in her own apartment.


Verna usually spends her Friday nights home alone, but this week she considered the possibility of shaking it up a little.


“Tonight, I’m really longing for the touch of another human being,” Verna said. “But also, The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Reunion Part 1 comes out tonight, and I really don’t wanna miss it.”


The issue became even more complicated for Verna when the notifications from her dating apps interfered with her plans to watch reality TV.


“I just matched with this guy who’s really hot and who wants to meet up,” Verna told us. “But his bio says that he’s ‘fluent in sarcasm’ and I’m not sure if I can deal with that kind of energy tonight, even though he looks like he lays pipe.”


Fair enough!


“It’s just been a really long time since I’ve hooked up with someone,” Verna explained. “And I think that it would probably be worthwhile. But also, I just bought a 32 oz. tub of vegan mac’ n ‘cheese from Trader Joes that I do intend to eat all of tonight.”


Talk about a Catch-22!


“Maybe I could multitask!” Verna said. “I mean, I guess I could just play the Housewives reunion in the background while we have sex, and then kick him out so I can eat dairy-free mac’ n’ cheese in privacy of my own home.”


“I’m definitely not going to share,” Verna added.



Whatever Verna chooses to do, we hope that she’s happy with her decision. We also hope that she matches with a hot person who has a less annoying bio.


“Wait, I literally forgot that I own a vibrator,” Verna said. “LOL. Never mind!”


Great! We’re so glad that’s all taken care of!