How are you feeling, sleepyhead? Do you find it impossible to catch eight hours of restful sleep? That’s okay! Here’s a list of suggestions to help you get better sleep that you’ve refused to take, time and time again.
Go to bed earlier.
This change is as simple to make as it is to dismiss entirely. Just go to bed a little bit earlier each night, and you’ll be amazed at how much your sleep schedule will improve. Or you could decide that this really isn’t the problem, and refuse to try it. Good for you either way!
Reduce your caffeine intake.
If you want to wake up refreshed and ready to start the day, you might want to cut out caffeine, which can mess with your internal body clock. But that’s old news! You’ve heard this every day since you starting drinking coffee and there is no reason you’re gonna stop now!
Everyone knows that regular exercise is great for your head and your heart and blah blah blah. You already can’t get enough sleep, how is adding another thing into your routine gonna help? It’s not, so don’t bother trying it.
Avoid screens before bed.
Take a bath.
Perfect! Supposedly after you sit in a tub full of lukewarm water you will be ready to fall asleep in no time. It’s about damn time you incorporate more relaxation techniques into your evenings, but then you’re gonna have to clean the tub so… you know what, never mind.
Invest in good bedding.
When you’ve exhausted all of the other perfectly good options, why not throw money at the problem! Spending money on new pillowcases seems like a good idea. It’s the actual American Dream. Except bedding is expensive and you can’t even clean your own shower. Let’s just admit that you’re going to keep that money and use it on beer and keep sleeping on your shitty sheets from Target.
The only thing more evasive than a good night’s sleep is your willingness to put in effort to find it. There is no magic cure-all, simply these few tried-and-true methods that you will never try. Good luck out there, you glassy-eyed zombie!