In an inspiring story emerging from San Diego, CA, 27-year-old Yara O’Neill was just struck by the urge to take a quiet moment out of her day, pause, breathe, and remember how many hits Taylor Swift has.
“I don’t consider myself that much of a Taylor Swift fan, and I wouldn’t say I think of her much at all,” Yara told reporters gathered at the scene, where she was staring off into the sunset in thought. “It just hit me in this still moment that she’s actually had a lot of hits.”
Sources confirm Yara was minding her own business in the park when she stopped walking, sat on a bench, and appeared to shake her head in quiet recognition of the artist’s work.
“You know, maybe you think of Reputation or 1989 when you think of Taylor Swift, but sometimes it just hits you: she’s actually made a bunch of successful albums, each with their own stand-out singles,” Yara continued. “There’s ‘Teardrops on My Guitar,’ ‘You Belong With Me,’ damn I didn’t realize I knew all of these titles.”
Yara maintains that she barely listens to any Taylor Swift music intentionally but has instead absorbed a lot of it via osmosis over the years.
“I often find myself with a song stuck in my head, and lo and behold, it’s TSwift!” she continued. “The girl has had a lot of hits! I mean, 11 original albums? That’s generation-defining stuff!”
Yara was careful to emphasize that she really doesn’t consider herself a Swiftie in any sense and spent many years of her 20s making fun of people who were obsessed with the singer.
“Look, billionaire worship is not something I’m very interested in,” she continued. “I just consider this ‘Game recognizing game.’ I’ve been an extremely successful marketing coordinator in terms of revenue added to my company – Taylor’s been an extremely successful music mogul in terms of hits per capita. It’s simple math.”
As far as why Yara took this moment to add herself into the conversation, reporters were unsure.
“This sort of thing happens to her every six to eight months,” said Yara’s roommate, Piper McLean. “There will just be a day when she finally grasps how successful certain artists have been. Last year it was Nickelback. Before that it was Michelangelo, but that felt like a different realm in terms of cultural influence.”
As of press time, Yara was seen scrolling through Taylor’s discography whispering “wow” to herself. But then she hit the Midnights album and softly admitted, “They can’t all be winners.”
