Summer is nearing its end, which means that the joys of going to the beach, sunbathing, and swimming will soon be coming to a close. 27-year-old Marcia Peters has especially been grieving the end of summer, even though she only went outside when she absolutely had to.
“I can’t believe it’s already September!” Marcia told reporters while sitting next to her AC unit set to high. “Summer went by so quickly. Now, instead of going to picnics or bars with my friends, I’ll probably just be hunkered down on my couch, binging Desperate Housewives all day, every day.”
Sources close to Marcia confirmed that she had already been doing this for the entire summer, and that it was actually her favorite summertime activity.
“Sure, she came to a picnic once,” Marica’s close friend, Leomie, told reporters. “But after that, anytime anyone asked her to hang out, she would say that she was ‘too busy,’ which is weird because she didn’t really do much this summer. I’m surprised she’s so sad about it ending.”
According to reports, when Marcia did end up going outside, she would always complain about how “hot and sticky” it was and how badly she wanted the season to be over.
“It’s so sad! There are so many summer activities I still want to do, but I just don’t have the time to do them anymore,” Marcia said. “Like, I never went on a boat! Or went to Coney Island! Or saw Shakespeare in the Park! Or did Yoga for the People! I guess all of my dreams of seizing the summer season are officially over now.”
Despite Marcia having three full months to do all of these easy and completely free activities, many eyewitness accounts attest to her lamenting the end of summer as if she was an avid surfer or something.
“I don’t care about pumpkin spice lattes, or the holidays, for that matter! I just want to have as much fun in the sun as I possibly can,” she told reporters. “Wait. Should I move to LA?”
Sources confirmed that Marcia had previously expressed her distaste for LA because it “doesn’t have any seasons.”
With only a couple weeks left until the September equinox, many of Marcia’s friends thought she’d be taking advantage of the few warm days she had left. However, Marcia has continued to cancel every plan she has made with her friends in favor of watching Desperate Housewives inside her apartment.