Woman Rewards Herself for Not Looking at Her Phone by Looking at Her Phone

Last night, San Jose resident Brittany Ng treated herself to a little phone time after realizing she had gone a full hour without looking at hers.


“I’ve been trying to cut down on my screen time so I can be more mindful,” Brittany told reporters. “So obviously when I had gone so long without checking it – even despite hearing notification alerts – I knew I deserved to reward myself.”


According to phone records, the total amount of time Brittany spent rewarding herself on her phone was as long as she spent off of it.


“That may seem like a lot, but since I also spent the same amount of time not looking at my phone, they basically cancel each other out,” said Brittany. “It’s like being carbon neutral!”


When asked about her time not looking at her phone, Brittany describes the experience as “harrowing” and “a trial of endurance”, although sources report that most of that time was spent having dinner with her friends and driving home.

“Even if she probably shouldn’t have been on her phone at the time anyways, I could see how excruciating the experience was for her,” confirms Brittany’s friend Gabe. “Every time her phone dinged, Brittany tensed up and I felt her physically restraining from checking it immediately.”



Despite the hardships of not checking her phone, Brittany remains committed to this journey of asceticism.


“It’s not that hard, as long as I treat myself now and then to some phone time. Like, most evenings and a few times during work. And maybe some mornings. Plus, most stuff on my phone I can still do on my computer, so it’s not too bad.”


When asked if she would ever cut down on her computer screen time in addition to her phone screen time, Brittany seemed aghast.


“Like go full analog? That’s ridiculous! What am I, Amish?”