‘I Need a Second Job,’ Says Woman Who Actually Needs Different Economic System

During happy hour with her friends on Tuesday, Los Angeles resident Kyra Tanaka participated in her daily ritual of debating whether or not to get a second job.


“Another source of income would be so helpful,” said the 26-year-old administrative assistant. “Then I could finally pay off the interest from my student loans enough and really start paying off the actual balance. Wow, can you imagine?”


Sources close to Kyra report that this isn’t the first time she’s fantasized about what she could do with a second source of income, although an alarming amount of her fantasies involved the bare minimum of living.


“Last week, it was all about how she never goes to the doctor even when she’s sick because she’s scared of the copay and how maybe if she started driving for Uber, she could afford her prescriptions again,” said Kyra’s friend Hannah. “Which makes me feel like only having one job isn’t the source of her problems.”



“I don’t know,” said Kyra when told this. “Having a second job would mean I could afford groceries, rent, and insurance. Maybe I could even start having savings? Sounds like it would solve a lot of my problems.”


While those close to Kyra support her ambitions, many house lingering doubts on her perspective.


“I think it’s great Kyra’s aspiring to achieve a comfortable lifestyle,” said one of Kyra’s four roommates, who wished to remain anonymous. “But when you’re working fifty hours a week and you’re still on Medicaid and share a bunk bed, that seems less of a you problem, and maybe like our present economic system doesn’t work. Just food for thought.”


Despite having little to no availability in her schedule due to her current job that also requires her to be on call on weekends, Kyra remains confident that working a second job will be the solution to all her woes.


“It’s just the American dream – to be able to afford the cost of living. Isn’t that what we’re all hustling for?”


As of press time, Kyra was seen adding ABBA’s “Money, Money, Money” onto her “Grind, Bitch!” playlist.