Moments ago Mika Howell left her apartment with the intention of taking a brisk walk to clear her mind, stretch her legs, and enjoy some fresh air.
Despite Mika’s stated plan, experts are predicting that she will somehow manage to spend at least $17 dollars before she returns home.
“I really feel the need to be in motion right now,” said Mika, absentmindedly grabbing her wallet. “Just appreciate my surroundings, get the blood pumping, think my thoughts.”
Once out on the street, Mika immediately veered away from the predominantly residential side of her neighborhood and toward the main commercial avenue.
“I may just grab a coffee real quick,” Mika said. “So I can keep myself warm while I’m outside doing all this walking.”
With no time lost, Mika made an essential switch from taking a walk to walking to buy something.
“The second she took her wallet I knew it was over for her,” said one expert, Bella Serrano. “Once she thinks about getting a coffee, it’s really gonna be a latte, and then there’s no turning back.”
While predictions for the exact breakdown of Mika’s forthcoming spending vary, all are in agreement that she will rack up nearly 20 big ones by her journey’s end.
“I say she’ll end up getting an artisanal doughnut,” says spending expert Marquis Leonard. “Possibly even an avocado-containing wrap, eat it there, then go home 14 dollars poorer.”
But Ms. Serrano was unconvinced.
“She’ll make it out with the latte, and maybe even walk another 10 minutes, but then she’s definitely stopping by the dollar store for a candle and who knows what else.”
At press time, Mika was contemplating switching from a latte to a dirty chai with oat milk.
