Local Woman Begins 17-Day Obsession With Kettlebells


Ella Stephens, 25, of Dubuque, IA, has officially embarked upon a two-and-a-half week obsession with kettlebells. An intrepid new gym goer, Stephens is currently caught up in an unsustainable level of enthusiasm for the quirky cannonball-like weights that combine strength and cardio workouts into one expensive and easily-abandoned workout routine.
“People are super proud of how dedicated I am to the workouts, so I’ll be sure not to abandon this next month,” explains Ella. “The 6am and 3pm classes fit my lifestyle almost perfectly, so I know I won’t lose interest.”
Suddenly, she burst into three reps of a made-up ab exercise, nearly knocking over a well-toned octogenarian. She paused to catch her breath. “It seems awkward at first but it’s really simple and it works so many different muscles.”
Ella originally found her way into the world of kettlebells on a lark. “Her office used one as a door stopper,” says her fiance, Mark. “One day she picked it up to move it out of a client’s way, and so far, she hasn’t put it down. Not even once.” He shifts while gazing down at his loafers. “Not even for date nights.”

This is not Ella’s first non-committal fitness venture, claims Ella’s former capoeira instructor. “She came to us for about three weeks, then out of nowhere, she just stopped showing up. Even though she bought a $2000 year-long package, she left all her gear and never came back.”
Although she only has a fortnight left of figure-eights, Turkish getups, and what she refers to as “the fun thing with the arms,” Ella remains convinced the “k-bells” are her new life’s passion.
“That’s my girl out there,” says the indiscriminately supportive Marjorie Stephens, holding a homemade poster and watching her daughter through the window at Crunch. Ella was confidently doing an almost-correct squat swing in the wrong area of the gym. “That’s my girl!”
There is no word yet on the fate of Ella and Mark’s upcoming Crossfit-themed nuptials. “Yeah, we lost a lot of money on all those deposits,” said Ella, windmilling two kettlebells of slightly different weights. “But you know, I met an awesome guy in this class and I’m starting to wonder if Mark is really ‘my thing.’”