Woman Has Unrealistic Standards on How Late She Can Leave for Work

After a series of tardy arrivals, it has been reported that Needham, MA resident Lynn Broaden has some pretty unrealistic standards on how late she can leave for work.


“I’m only ever on the bus for 30 minutes,” said Lynn. “Therefore, I don’t have to leave my apartment until half an hour before I have to be at work. That’s just math.”


Lynn, who seems to be ignoring the seven minutes it takes her to walk from her apartment to the bus stop and the additional nine minutes it takes her to walk from the bus to her job and get through reception, went on to explain her point of view.


“I don’t feel the need to be super early for work,” said Lynn. “So I’m not gonna leave the comfort of my home any earlier than I have to. I allocate myself exactly enough time as I need to get to my job, barring any road closures, car accidents, weather delays, crossing geese, bus engine problems, alarm snafus, wardrobe malfunctions, or coffee stops. Those hardly ever happen anyway!”


Lynn’s coworkers are understandably frustrated.



“Her idea of how long it’ll take her to get to work is obviously wrong,” said Pema Deeran, Lynn’s cubicle mate. “I live really close to her, and it takes awhile to get here via bus. I’ve offered her rides before, but she always says she’s ‘got it’. She clearly does not. She’s missed three meetings this week.”


“Everyone else gets here consistently on time,” added Ross Freitas, Lynn’s boss. “Some employees even have commutes of up to an hour, and they make it in. You literally just have to give yourself enough time, and Lynn’s concept of ‘enough time’ is…just not practical. She’s honestly on thin ice right now.”


But Lynn is unconcerned.


“Listen, as long as I don’t shower, put on makeup, clean the cat’s litter box, trip over a crack on the sidewalk and break my heel, run into an old friend and briefly catch up, take a second to give a homeless person change, interrupt a parade, witness a hit and run and have to give my account to the police, happen upon a lost child, or eat breakfast, my schedule puts me into work on time,” Lynn said. “And it’s not like any of those things are totally necessary or even realistically happen in real life. So I don’t think I should have to start my commute any earlier than I currently do.”


“Like sure, I’m late sometimes. Okay, a lot. But that’s not really my fault!,” she added.