Friends and relatives responded with dubious looks last Thursday when Amy Edwards announced with a knowing smirk that she was “fluent in sarcasm.”
“I know my deadpan style can be hard to read sometimes,” she said, with a look of utmost sincerity in her eyes. “But don’t worry; I’m just being sarcastic! I can’t help it.”
“No, she’s not,” says Edwards’ sister Laura. “In fact, she’s a very genuine person, which is why I love her.”
Edwards’ husband, Gerald, also confirmed that he was unaware of Amy’s proficiency in the “language of sarcasm,” which she kept mentioning.
“I married Amy because she is lovely and kind,” he says, looking confused. “She’s never made a snide remark in her life. It’s one of the many qualities I’d hoped she would pass on to our children one day.”
“I often don’t even realize I’m doing it,” Amy continued in an unmistakably heartfelt tone. “It’s just how I am now. If you’re not fluent in sarcasm, you might take me too seriously and not get what I’m saying when I do it.” She appeared upset at this thought.
Despite their alarm, Amy’s friends and family all expressed their plans to support her during this personal crisis.
“If she actually wants to be sarcastic,” says her daughter, Eva, “I’d be sarcastic right back. She’d love it. See? I’m already doing it!”
Throughout the evening, Amy remained steadfast in her belief that she was fluent in sarcasm.
“It’s the only way I have to express myself,” she said, eyes filling with tears. “It means so much that my loved ones make such an effort to understand my sardonic nature.”
“Maybe,” says Amy’s priest, Father James Nohs. “She actually is fluent in sarcasm, and this is all just an intense commitment to the joke.”
As he watched Amy tearfully hug her two children, he adds, “But I seriously doubt it.”
