If-We’re-Still-Single-At-35 Couple Moves Deadline To Age 53

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After making a pact in college that if they were still not married when they were both 35, they would marry each other, 35-year-old Jennifer Thonner and David Kreck have since moved that deadline to age 53.


“I guess when you’re in college, you think, ‘35 is so old,’” says Thonner. “But now that I’m 35, I’m actually okay being single so I can focus on my own goals and happiness. At least until I’m in my fifties. Blech, can you imagine?”


After their birthdays last week, the two parties to the agreement convened at the Proud Raisin, a local organic café chosen by Thonner. They intended to discuss the terms of said pact, opening a dialogue about the possibility of making their theoretical marriage official.


The meeting concluded within 40 minutes, when Thonner and Kreck made the mutual decision to delay making any rash decisions until age 53.


David got to the restaurant five minutes early. He ordered a coffee and proceeded to wait 15 whole minutes, during which time Jennifer texted him to say she was running a little late, ten minutes tops.


“I like to be on time for things,” said David, emphasizing his belief that being on time shows respect for other people’s time. “Right now, Jennifer and I are just too different to make a marriage work.”


In truth, Jennifer only arrived five minutes late, but then she spent another five minutes trying to find David in the 800-square-foot café, because she didn’t remember him as a bald guy who wore Google Glass. Similarly, David didn’t remember Jennifer as someone with a shaved head covered in a purple scarf who smelled of sandalwood oil and referred to everybody, male and female, as “dude.”



Still, they were happy to see each other.


At the 30-minute mark, both Thonner and Kreck had decided that they should take their renewed relationship slowly, getting to know each other better over the course of the next 18 years instead of jumping right into a marriage.


“Why rush things?” said Kreck. “Yeah, everybody else is long-married or damaged goods by now, and Jennifer is a great girl, but I don’t want to put pressure on the situation. 18 years should give us enough time to figure out for sure that this is the right move for both of us.”


“I agree,” said Thonner. “It’s not like I’m playing the field or waiting for something better to come along. Still, I think we should wait, and I think we should wait the full 18 years, just so we can figure out who we are.”


Thonner and Kreck split the bill and parted amicably, with a tentative plan to get together again sometime in the unspecified future.


“Whatever happens,” said Kreck, “It’s just comforting to know that there’s someone out there who’s completely wrong for me, but also totally willing to maybe get married in the year 2033, just in case.”


“It’s always good to have options,” said Thonner. “I’m just hoping we both find someone better before then.”