Why You’re Definitely Not Qualified to Go Sleeveless


Going sleeveless is a great way to show off a rockin’ bod and keep cool during the hot spring and summer months. But lets not get ahead of ourselves. You’re definitely not qualified to take part in this trend, and you never will be. Here’s why!


You’re Fat

The thing about going sleeveless is you have to be skinny to go sleeveless, and sorry to say it, hon, but you are definitely not skinny. You’re actually moderately overweight and that’s if we’re putting it mildly. No one wants to see your arms so you’re not really allowed to show them off by going sleeveless. Just saying.


You’re Old

So another thing about going sleeveless is that it is a super cute way to be like, all young and free and breezy. Cute young girls can go sleeveless all the time but you’re not that young anymore so…


You’re Pale

OK, time to break it down for you. When you show off skin, that skin needs to be tan. But you’re actually super pasty and if you let your arms out of their little cap-sleeve cages they’ll totally blind everyone. LOL! Seriously, those Xerox copy paper forearms are more than enough for us.



You’re Not Cute

Yeah it’s just kind of an unspoken thing that’s understood by everyone who knows what the fuck is going on which is that if you’re pretty you can basically wear whatever you want. But you’re more than a little ugly so you need to put some sleeves on your arms and just, like, stop trying to get attention in any way.


So, next time you go shopping and think about getting a tank top, remember: You have absolutely no business going sleeveless and you should probably just go put on a sweater and stay inside today. Leave this to the pros.