In a developing story out of Gotham City, the Joker has finally revealed the actual way he acquired his scars: By attempting to dermaplane at home.
“I know I’ve previously peddled several different, tragic stories about how I got my scars,” the Joker told reporters. “But it’s time to come clean: I gave them to myself, by mistake, when using a tiny scalpel to scrape away my excess facial skin. What can I say? I’m a sucker for skincare.”
He continued, stating, “All that clown makeup really clogs my pores and I get terrible acne flare ups. Beyond that, there’s a lot of anxiety that comes with my professions – trickery, organized crime – that leads me to pick at my acne. I thought dermaplaning would help me avoid scarring, but look where that got me.”
Guess he should’ve left it to the professionals!
The Joker explained that the reason for the procedure going so wrong was due to being hasty and ill-prepared.
“Usually I’m pretty good about planning and preparation,” he said. “I robbed a bank with a school bus in broad daylight, for god’s sake. But in this case, I didn’t really know what I was doing. I was just using one of those touch-up razors I got from Target in a pack of three for $6 and I wasn’t sure how much force I needed to use. I know, I know, I should’ve invested in one of the $100 electronic ones. That’s what everyone keeps telling me.”
It just goes to show: Poor quality leads to poor results!
When asked why he goes through all of the trouble about lying about how his scars came to be, the Joker confessed that it all comes down to his brand.
“Having people think I’m a deranged psychopath who scarred my own face intentionally is a much better look for me,” he said. “At least in that case it seems like I know what I’m doing.”
At press time, the Joker was heard walking back his story, explaining to a group of people that he actually gave himself his scars so he’d always look like he was smiling on Zoom calls.
