Whatever Happened To: That Bitch

That Bitch - Reductress

Known primarily for her work judging anyone who shopped at Old Navy as well as the time she told Jimmy Barkley that you were on your period, that bitch has recently fallen off the radar. But after a recent appearance on Facebook’s “People You May Know,” several people have been wondering whatever happened to her since graduation.


After high school, that bitch went on to change her major four different times at some stupid state school that wasn’t even one of your safeties. Why was she even wasting her time?


Keeping with her tradition of joining cliques that you wouldn’t join, even if they ever did ask you, she joined the Delta Pi sorority. Of course she would.


While at that dumb state school, that bitch was also a total whore. Who even lets someone tag them in photos like that? In between Jell-O shots with what seems like lots of friends, she found time to visit home and see her old high school crew. She displayed a desperate need to hold on to high school while you were out trying ceviche for the first time.


Fortunately, that bitch got fat – and while you try not to judge someone for gaining weight, this is karma for the time when she made everyone call Tiffany Parker “Tiffany Porker” for two years in high school.



Also, what’s the deal with her highlights? Is this 1997? And she did that stupid thing where you make yourself into a cartoon for your profile picture? That bitch is fostering a pit bull/terrier rescue named Roscoe so she’s made lots of new friends at the dog park. Whatever. She’s probably going to fuck that one up eventually.


That bitch is in the process of obtaining her real estate license, which, I mean, good luck with that, and she hopes she can help her friends find great apartments in the DFW metro area.


That bitch is currently single and not as pretty as she used to be.