What to Wear on Your Doomed Antarctic Expedition

Just because you’ve decided to go on an Antarctic expedition without the proper gear, enough supplies, or the training to handle the harsh conditions doesn’t mean you can’t travel in style! From the perfect oversized scarf that doubles as a poor excuse for a makeshift shelter when the ship is caught in the ice, to a chic fur-lined parka that’s not properly insulated for Antarctic temperatures, we’ve got you covered. Here’s what to wear when you’re about to be mummified in a block of ice.


Blanket Scarf

Blanket scarves are majorly on-trend for 2016, incredibly versatile, and completely inappropriate for spending time in subzero temperatures and high winds. You can experiment with layering and draping for a day-to-night look to impress what’s left of the crew, and then grab a small stick and turn the same scarf into an actual shelter that won’t really protect you, but will make it look like you have some sort of strategy and plan as you suffer through night winds that feel like hot knives piercing your skin. Check YouTube for some great scarf-to-tent tutorials.



Fur-Lined Parka

A fur-lined parka is a wardrobe staple anywhere south of the Tropic of Capricorn. Like an oversized scarf, a cozy parka is versatile, and versatility is key for a doomed Antarctic expedition. The puffiness of the parks gives you a striking silhouette, adding bulk to your figure that just may deter a few of the stronger men from coming after you to steal your half-sleeve of saltines, which you’ve squirreled away in one of the many hidden pockets. Unfortunately, this look won’t give you the mobility of the new high-tech performance jumpsuits that everyone begged you to bring along.


Shearling Gloves

Gloves keep your fingers looking sleek, if not warm, while you try to pry the bolts off a wooden chest you find in the captain’s tent after he kills himself, please God let there be food in it. As a bonus, you can stroke the shearling lining at night and try to remember what it was like to touch a warm living thing.



Combat Boots

Chunky combat boots have been in since 2007 and show no sign of going out of style. They’ll help you “stand out” in the virtually uninhabited ice desert. They’ll no doubt prove highly impractical when you’re running around trying to catch a penguin or hallucinating that a distant iceberg is actually a house with a smoking chimney and you run toward it for two straight days.


These are just our Antarctic basics, so don’t be afraid to accessorize! You can never have too many hats, socks, or bangle bracelets. In fact, from what we can read of the last messages scratched into the ice by explorers like Shackleton and Scott, every last object gets fully used up by the end, including hope itself. Bon voyage!