What the Fuck is My Face Shape?

Face Shape - Reductress

The face is the most important fucking part of a woman’s body above her neck. If you’re like me, you know that the face holds the eyes, nose, mouth, and your beautiful fucking hair, but many women are ignorant of what her fucking face shape actually is. If you think your face is just fucking face-shaped, then you are in for a rude awakening because it is much, much more complicated than that. Join me on this journey as we answer the question, “What the Fuck is My Face Shape?”


Heart-Shaped Face
Wider at the forehead with a narrow jawline, this has definitely got to be my fucking face shape. Wait, how do you define a narrow jawline? Like, my chin isn’t Jay Leno big, but also I can fit a lot of lo mein in my mouth at one time. It says the heart-shaped face is also described as tapered. Tapered like a pair of pants? Is my face a pair of pants? Ugh, I dunno. Let’s read the other ones.


Square Face
This means the width of your forehead, cheekbones, and jaw is equal, which definitely has to be my face shape because my whole face is pretty fucking face-shaped, right? Yes? Right? That logic made sense, yes? I guess no one has a face that is actually a square unless you’re Spongebob. This probably isn’t me cause it probably isn’t anybody. Why is it even an option?



Diamond-Shaped Face
You have a diamond-shaped face if your face is widest at your cheekbones, and your jawline and forehead are the same length. Does it also mean your face is in constant excruciating pain because it’s a pointy rock??? Just tell me whether I should get a bob or not and we can all go home.


The Long Face
Why the Long Face? Hahahahaha I give up. Is my nose bleeding?


The Round Face
What is…face? What is…human? Can you define humanity if all the humans are inhumane? Faaaacccceeeeeee.