Playing hard-to-get is the way to any man’s heart—even if he has never acknowledged that you exist. For that hottie who is doesn’t even see you when you’re directly in front of his eyes, follow these simple tips and he will begin to notice that he’s never even noticed you in no time!
Make yourself into a human Carnival float.
Nothing says, “Here I am world, but mostly Brad!” like spending some extra time primping in the mornings to curate a flashy, near-seizure-inducing look. It’s time to peacock and shock in daring styles that men can’t look away from, like bright colors, eight-inch pumps, the makeup from those Star Wars Cover Girl ads, assless chaps, and full-on nudity. Don’t be afraid to show some skin and some attitude—he’s sure to recognize that he has never once looked at you in no time!
Change your Facebook profile picture to his.
Nothing makes a guy aware of your existence like borrowing his existence. Stealing his profile picture keeps the focus on him, which men love! He won’t even have to notice you—it’s just like him noticing himself. Awesome! This foolproof Facebook flirtation is sure to make him say “What the fuck??” which means he def noticed you!
Start a one-woman cover band that only plays his high school band’s songs.
Show you know him better than he knows how to play the same four chords on bass guitar! Although he may not remember ever having seen you before in his life, he’s sure to remember the classics he played for three semesters in high school. He’ll be saying “Who the fuck is this and how does she know all of the songs from that EP I made in 2004? We didn’t even digitize it!” in no time! We hear wedding bells—and some poorly timed drum solos!
Hit him with your car.
Love can hit you like a freight train… or in this case, a two-door Toyota. Have your first impression pack a punch and probably a lawsuit by giving him a little love tap with your moving car. He will HAVE to notice you this way, and probably take down your information for an insurance claim.
Break into his house and make him dinner.
You are more than ready to change his life forever, but clearly his inability to even glance over at you is getting in the way. Change his life by entering his home while he’s at work, cooking him a four-course meal, and waiting for him to arrive home while wearing a cute apron. He’ll definitely notice you when you’re in his never-used kitchen!
Now it’s time to go forth and catch his eye. There’s no way he won’t realize that he spent three long years ignoring you after these foolproof tips. He’ll remember you until the day he dies, possibly by your hand. Hooray!
